I’m bored of cancer

That was what I used to say when people asked me how I was doing or how I was feeling. Then my condition got worse, and I was terrified. Couldn’t say I was bored then.
“Oh, you take it seriously now?” I was asked.
Did I not before? I must just have had such an inflated ego, thinking I was so strong. Before I turned to God, my way of handling it was to think “it’s not my pain; it’s the cancer’s pain. I’m glad it’s hurting.” Foolish pride and it failed me eventually.

Now, I do trust that the Lord’s got me. I’m going to be okay regardless of the outcome. This has all been for my eventual betterment and weeding out the fake and detrimental parts of my heart (like that pride). And now I’m bored of cancer again but in a different way. I’m ready for this to be done.

I was afraid of adding radiation to my treatment when it was suggested. Paraphrasing the doctor I spoke with: “It will hurt, the skin will be like rotten, and it’s going to stink.” I was afraid of how isolating that would be, but I’m okay now. I have an appointment tomorrow to set that in motion. I know I’ll get through it, and it’s what has to be done to be done with this and get my life back already. It’s time to speed this process up.