Im freeeee :) :) and back to me!!!! <3
I wana destigmatize getting help if youre suicidal cuz its not lobotomies or one flew over the cuckoo nest and i just went though it all so ima share MY story ;) Its long like hella paragraphs so ya youve been warned hahaha
I posted my Q five days ago and was going through the ways id do it in a really really dark place but like it was also comforting to think bout THE END? What i mean is the idea of hopefulllyy seeing my loved ones that passed away and just resting in peace BUT thanks to the thought of the people id leave hurt like my little nephew whos 7 all of my SW friends that commented showing love even my dad who sucks but has been through alot already!
Aneway so i called the suicide hotline and was taken to the ER in an ambulance :| it was super embarrassing cuz a firetruck 2 cops and the ambulance all lights on thats likeee 3 for the cops 4 or 5 for the fire truck and 4 for the ambulance so 12 bright bright lights flashing in my neighborhood scaring TF outa everyone! Now it takes SIX hours just to do the whole process of getting a bed cuz its in order first the ride to the ER then nurse then psychiatrist then the upper floor nurses and finnaaaallly finding an open room with a girl cuz i didnt think bout that part!! They gota take gender and suicide risk of the person to match you like for example this sweet girl ima name R outa respect was full on talking to herself having convos with the lights screaming at nothing there soo pretty much what you think bout when you think ‘psych ward’ aka its not good for me mentally to be paired with her!
Finally i got paired with a sweet 71 year old lady that also called the hotline and wasnt on a 51/50 that means in the US you already did something to yourself! She was amazing i loved her and we hung out 24/7 for the last 5 days :) they take your cell phone any strings or belts or jewelry just items thatd trigger or kill you or someone else! Ive been to the hospital before plz dont ask why cuz i dont wana talk bout it so i kinda knew what i was getting into butttt not in OR only in monterey that always has open rooms to yourself and isnt locked up tight with windows iced out and sharing a bathroom in a tiny room
My schedule! First breakfast then 2 hour group therapy then arts and crafts :) then 1hr 1/2 one on one with a psychiatrist then lunch then a fun thing like bingo or breaking into groups to play uno then 3 hour CBT therapy group then dinner then TV time then 1 hour check ins and goals for the next day! Its super intense thou ik it sounds easy reading it but imagine having to face alllll the demons that got you there in group after group day after day one on one after one on one then the homework from each group you HADA do during down time and personal journaling ALSO what you dont think bout like dealing with everyone elses tragedies and emotions and mood swings or if you hada mean nurse like nurse amy that legit tried to wake me up just to be rude :| and whats going to happen to peeps like R whos gona be shipped to the state hospital and spend her life in the system its heartbreaking
SO thats my story <3 i love you ALL SW and thank you so so much for your support and if you read all that a gold star ;) <3 see ya tomorrow
I posted my Q five days ago and was going through the ways id do it in a really really dark place but like it was also comforting to think bout THE END? What i mean is the idea of hopefulllyy seeing my loved ones that passed away and just resting in peace BUT thanks to the thought of the people id leave hurt like my little nephew whos 7 all of my SW friends that commented showing love even my dad who sucks but has been through alot already!
Aneway so i called the suicide hotline and was taken to the ER in an ambulance :| it was super embarrassing cuz a firetruck 2 cops and the ambulance all lights on thats likeee 3 for the cops 4 or 5 for the fire truck and 4 for the ambulance so 12 bright bright lights flashing in my neighborhood scaring TF outa everyone! Now it takes SIX hours just to do the whole process of getting a bed cuz its in order first the ride to the ER then nurse then psychiatrist then the upper floor nurses and finnaaaallly finding an open room with a girl cuz i didnt think bout that part!! They gota take gender and suicide risk of the person to match you like for example this sweet girl ima name R outa respect was full on talking to herself having convos with the lights screaming at nothing there soo pretty much what you think bout when you think ‘psych ward’ aka its not good for me mentally to be paired with her!
Finally i got paired with a sweet 71 year old lady that also called the hotline and wasnt on a 51/50 that means in the US you already did something to yourself! She was amazing i loved her and we hung out 24/7 for the last 5 days :) they take your cell phone any strings or belts or jewelry just items thatd trigger or kill you or someone else! Ive been to the hospital before plz dont ask why cuz i dont wana talk bout it so i kinda knew what i was getting into butttt not in OR only in monterey that always has open rooms to yourself and isnt locked up tight with windows iced out and sharing a bathroom in a tiny room
My schedule! First breakfast then 2 hour group therapy then arts and crafts :) then 1hr 1/2 one on one with a psychiatrist then lunch then a fun thing like bingo or breaking into groups to play uno then 3 hour CBT therapy group then dinner then TV time then 1 hour check ins and goals for the next day! Its super intense thou ik it sounds easy reading it but imagine having to face alllll the demons that got you there in group after group day after day one on one after one on one then the homework from each group you HADA do during down time and personal journaling ALSO what you dont think bout like dealing with everyone elses tragedies and emotions and mood swings or if you hada mean nurse like nurse amy that legit tried to wake me up just to be rude :| and whats going to happen to peeps like R whos gona be shipped to the state hospital and spend her life in the system its heartbreaking
SO thats my story <3 i love you ALL SW and thank you so so much for your support and if you read all that a gold star ;) <3 see ya tomorrow
