somethings really make me question myself

So what is your main concern? Would that be salvation? Nothing in the Bible says that we are saved according to our performance, whether good or bad. Although sin does bring distance in fellowship between us and the Lord for a while until we ask him to forgive us, salvation is about grace, which is unearned favor from God. In other words, He already loves us. We don't have to earn our way to heaven. He wants to save us. Salvation is available to everyone, based on Jesus' work on the cross to pay for our sins by his innocent blood. So we are saved by grace, through faith.... Salvation is a free gift from God. You don't have to earn a free gift. But you do have to accept it and take God at His Word that He will forgive us of our sins and give us eternal life in heaven; that He will keep His promise to save you, if that is what you have told him you wish to invite him into your heart and life as your Savior, and He most definitely does that. He turns no one away.