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Friendships on SW

Have you ever have someone beg to be your friend here? Would you think it odd? would you give that person a chance?
Maybe you have given it a chance, but it didnt gel for you, so it wasnt a friendship you tried very hard to build? What if that person still kept asking you to be their friend?

A lot of questions...but im interested in your views.

Ive always thought friendships just happen...ya dont plan them. Yes, it can be work sustaining one, but theres got to be something to start with....yeah???
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PirateMonkeyCabinet · 36-40, M
Never had anyone beg for it. That does seem a bit odd, but then again there are good people out there whose simply had experiences (or lack thereof) that lead to some, in my opinion, awkwardness in interactions.

That said, I do feel that true friendship isn't something that comes from putting a title on it. Going "wanna be friends? okay" doesn't actually establish a friendship... the actual interactions do.

Whether or not I'd give them a chance is something I'd have to make a gut feeling decision on. Without knowing anything else, chances are I probably wouldn't. Nothing inherently negative against them per se, I just think that if that is their "social language" (for lack of a better term) then we're very likely far too different to mesh well together.

And my social batteries are very low too. I already barely have enough for the very few friends and family I do have in my life, so I'm picky, for my own health and the health of current relations. Maybe they're a good person, I'm sure there are folks that would be a great friendship match for them... but most likely not me.

If I did give them a chance though and it just doesn't work out... well, I do find that tough to deal with. If we don't gel that doesn't mean I think them a bad person, that they are awful or undeserving or not worth anything. Just different pieces of the jigsaw puzzle of life. Doesn't mean there is something wrong with them, just not the right fit.

But at least in places like this there are a lot of people who are fragile and/or will take it personally if you do tell them "this isn't working out". On one hand I'd want to say that to them, on the other I don't want to them to end up feeling discouraged or afraid to try to build relations with other people later. At the end of the day however I solve it I do have to look out for myself.

The way I see it you don't become a friend by asking. Calling someone a friend is more a way of expressing a feeling and explaining a connection over time.
RubySoo · 56-60, F
@PirateMonkeyCabinet thanks for yr take on the situation.
The person im refering to pops up from time to time begging me to give him another chance at being friends. We never hit it off. His approach was, 'hi ask me anything! .. what do you want to know. He could never tell me why he wanted to be my friend, he just did. I did try to be pleasent at least, but them he added me a sexual question so i told him to naff off.
He still pops up asking me to give him another chance......yet STILL as nothing to say to me!! Weird.
PirateMonkeyCabinet · 36-40, M
@RubySoo That sounds like a trip to the valley of red flags.

The whole "hi, ask me anything" seems so weird to me. You reach out to someone, show no interest in anything but them asking you to talk about yourself, then put the onus of establishing the conversation on the party that never asked for the conversation.

Makes it sound like they aren't really that interested in getting to know you. Or makes them sound like they have an agenda...

I've never had those messages (probably because I'm a guy), but from every public post here that has some degree of "ask me anything/pick a question from this list" they always seem to quickly devolve into sexual stuff if they aren't glaringly so from the start.

And sounds like that is what happened with those messages as well. At that point I'd say they aren't interested in an actual friendship. They've shown little interest in getting to know you, to figure out your values and interest. If they did they wouldn't have pulled that crap.

The fact that they keep asking to get another chance to be friends but still has nothing to say just makes it seem like their agenda is exactly the same as before, but maybe just introduce the sexual bullshit a bit slower.

Or to put it another way, gut feeling says it's a "if I can get her to reply then there's still a chance"-situation.