should i still go to social groups if they treat me like a charity case there

social groups and venues in the community? there's a local community centre i go to, they have various groups running there, and one group they host is a meal night, where you're invited to go for a meal and a social gathering.

i was going for about 6 months, but the last couple of occasions i went, i was sat at a table by myself and all the other attendees went to sit together at other tables in the big dining area....and one or two of the volunteers who help run it came at sat at my table because i think they felt sorry for me...and i don't want that, i don't want anyone to feel sorry for me...and i would usually get very hostile towards anyone showing me sympathy.

but that's in general how i think they view me at that community centre, someone who is charity, someone to be pitied, a person to feel sorry for.....and that is not why i go.

but then i know of no other social places to go just yet..and the nights are drawing in now, i live alone, have a few psychological problems and have not much support except from my immediate family who live far away.

so i suppose i cannot be 'choosy' at this point.....it's attend this community centre or stay by myself in my flat.

what do you think?

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Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M Best Comment

I understand exactly what you mean.

You get involved in these things because you think they'll be inclusive and welcoming and it turns out it's very cliquey with those that know each other sitting in their groups while they snipe and stare at those they dislike. 😖 Very uncomfortable.

Did you get any sense that those who sat with you were also 'outsiders' ?
Maybe some of them are.
Kinda hard to be as 'genuine' as perhaps you'd like to be if you only go the once.
At least if you make the effort and go one last time you'll have names and faces you can say hello to and have a chat with Maybe they'll introduce you around once they see you've come back !
. Even if at the end you get the sense that maybe the whole thing isn't for you.
What do you think ?

darkmere1983 · 46-50, M

@Picklebobble2 i suppose i could give it a try, go to a few more gatherings and see how i get on, anyway thanks for answering and understanding what i meant .

BritishFailedAesthetic · M

[quote] i was going for about 6 months, but the last couple of occasions i went, i was sat at a table by myself and all the other attendees went to sit together at other tables in the big dining area....and one or two of the volunteers who help run it came at sat at my table because i think they felt sorry for me [/quote]

Look, I'm really sorry to hear that. You can get some books on developing interpersonal skills.

Your immigrant bashing posts won't contribute to you becoming more social- you must accept the world the way it is and start to like people.

SW-User

Have you considered going to a UKIP meeting.

Activitykittens

I think your sensitivity to "sympathy" and not wanting people to feel sorry for you stems from trauma

I think it's natural to feel discomfort in a new social setting and also natural for the first interactions to be a bit clunky

I would try focusing outside of yourself.

Are there any people that you gravitate towards or anyone that you see that could benefit from some inclusion? Once you get into your groove, it won't occur to you or anyone else whether or not you are in the need of any "sympathy"

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