I Am a Feminist
When I was 15 or so my Best friend got with Alexandria AKA Ailey and I remember telling him at the time that I was frustrated because whenever boys talked about girls they tended to objectify and talk only about the sexual aspects of their relationships and that I had come to feel not so much Disdainful of sex itself but that so much of what I heard reminded me entirely too much of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FgDXAUYqHg Group X- I Just Want (Bang Bang Bang)
I don't really know WHERE else to write these stories sometimes because even though it's just about my relationships with the opposite sex I don't know that it's necessarily "on topic" but I don't really know WHO else to open to about it sometimes.
in either event I was basically expressing that I felt the primary purpose of relationships was EMOTIONS rather than SEX.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQDx2Mj3FJI as somebody I used to know would put it.
Savage Garden-Tears of Pearls w/ lyrics
I'm just what OKcupid says about me personality wise especially how it says "less sex driven" "more love driven."
That resonates HARDCORE
https://www.okcupid.com/profile/shouldnotshine/personality?cf=profile
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vh763Sb-CqE Savage Garden- To The Moon And Back Lyrics
I was the romantic of our group and I STILL feel to some extent that My friend only partially understood what I was driving at, he gave me the Nod but I walked away feeling like he absorbed about half of what I meant.
in the years sense what's been so frustrating is just the extent to which my sincerity has been called into question and my motives for having a female friendly philosophy have been compared essentially to a desire to get Laid.
oh it's true I definitely WANT female attention and always have vied for the opposite sexes time and focus but what separates me from the other boy is that when I said I wanted her heart about ten times more than I wanted her body I -actually meant it-
and I have one of the most gentle hearts I've ever known to be entirely honest with you.
With regards to Ailey she eventually was mine for awhile but I had fallen for somebody on the web and I remember getting the post card that she changed her mind about warped tour and that it actually was a date and we were a thing for awhile.
when she flew back she told me about her trip and a guy she'd met on the plane and I remember worrying that she might have a thing for him only to sit down and TRY to eat in peace and nearly vomiting and then it hit me that I was projecting because I hadn't disclosed that Prior to even moving to Orlando back somewhere in PHOENIX I had met a Stranger in an internet game and Fallen quiet Severely in love with the girl in question but even though we went out off and on she was seeing a guy IRL because she loved sex too damn much and wanted somebody to take care of her in that regard and being an internet thing i just could not from that far away and I can't believe I'm telling you all this but I remember having to fess to Ailey right about the time I realized just how serious I was about the idea of staying with her as a couple.
I was never good with secrets like that and I've learned the hard way I have an overactive conscious about things. My ex Nurit could easily lie to her partner in real life. I couldn't.
I couldn't look her in the eyes and keep my Shadowy internet life and the things that were happening in it secret from her and unfortunately
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVahU6Ed9v0 You Should Have Lied - Stephanie McIntosh w/lyrics
is permanently ETCHEd in my heart. I should have swallowed my guilt and taken that shit to the grave.
the ONLY thing honesty managed to achieve was free up my guilt and hurt somebody inadvertently I had no desire what so ever to do so to.
But in particular in light of "I bet you've never touched a woman or gotten laid." and judging me on those grounds this is EVERYTHING I've ALWAYS Stood against so it's my home court that they're basically attacking me supposedly for being unsuccessful in relationships with women to the extent that I've ALWAYS been disgusted at the reduction of relationships and the beauty of them to sexuality alone and people's tendency in my Class to obsess over the sex to the Detriment of emotional factors which is PART of what left me so confused because I hadn't realized that my sense of priorities wasn't necessarily the same page everyone else was on until much later.
ALAS when I said I'd rather hear three simple words than get laid that wasn't bullshit.
and I'm so tired of having my purity thrown into question. I don't know why I find it so profoundly insulting except that I'm not guilty of pretending to be a feminist in order to get laid.
I've made mistakes in my relationships with women but I was never ever that reductive.
Plus to be terribly honest with you I think women are smart enough to figure it out if that really was what was driving me.
and it's not even that I have no interest in sex at all or that I'm ENTIRELY focused on emotions it's just that it seems to me that a lot of people would place sex as their priority in relationships whereas I'd place emotions and romance as mine.
I've ALWAYS stood against the kind of bullshit being hurled my way though. maybe it's comfortable because opposing it is so familiar.
Those three words btw?
"I love you."
love though... that's a lot more difficult to find than sex.
which isn't what you would superficially expect.
I don't really know WHERE else to write these stories sometimes because even though it's just about my relationships with the opposite sex I don't know that it's necessarily "on topic" but I don't really know WHO else to open to about it sometimes.
in either event I was basically expressing that I felt the primary purpose of relationships was EMOTIONS rather than SEX.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQDx2Mj3FJI as somebody I used to know would put it.
Savage Garden-Tears of Pearls w/ lyrics
I'm just what OKcupid says about me personality wise especially how it says "less sex driven" "more love driven."
That resonates HARDCORE
https://www.okcupid.com/profile/shouldnotshine/personality?cf=profile
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vh763Sb-CqE Savage Garden- To The Moon And Back Lyrics
I was the romantic of our group and I STILL feel to some extent that My friend only partially understood what I was driving at, he gave me the Nod but I walked away feeling like he absorbed about half of what I meant.
in the years sense what's been so frustrating is just the extent to which my sincerity has been called into question and my motives for having a female friendly philosophy have been compared essentially to a desire to get Laid.
oh it's true I definitely WANT female attention and always have vied for the opposite sexes time and focus but what separates me from the other boy is that when I said I wanted her heart about ten times more than I wanted her body I -actually meant it-
and I have one of the most gentle hearts I've ever known to be entirely honest with you.
With regards to Ailey she eventually was mine for awhile but I had fallen for somebody on the web and I remember getting the post card that she changed her mind about warped tour and that it actually was a date and we were a thing for awhile.
when she flew back she told me about her trip and a guy she'd met on the plane and I remember worrying that she might have a thing for him only to sit down and TRY to eat in peace and nearly vomiting and then it hit me that I was projecting because I hadn't disclosed that Prior to even moving to Orlando back somewhere in PHOENIX I had met a Stranger in an internet game and Fallen quiet Severely in love with the girl in question but even though we went out off and on she was seeing a guy IRL because she loved sex too damn much and wanted somebody to take care of her in that regard and being an internet thing i just could not from that far away and I can't believe I'm telling you all this but I remember having to fess to Ailey right about the time I realized just how serious I was about the idea of staying with her as a couple.
I was never good with secrets like that and I've learned the hard way I have an overactive conscious about things. My ex Nurit could easily lie to her partner in real life. I couldn't.
I couldn't look her in the eyes and keep my Shadowy internet life and the things that were happening in it secret from her and unfortunately
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVahU6Ed9v0 You Should Have Lied - Stephanie McIntosh w/lyrics
is permanently ETCHEd in my heart. I should have swallowed my guilt and taken that shit to the grave.
the ONLY thing honesty managed to achieve was free up my guilt and hurt somebody inadvertently I had no desire what so ever to do so to.
But in particular in light of "I bet you've never touched a woman or gotten laid." and judging me on those grounds this is EVERYTHING I've ALWAYS Stood against so it's my home court that they're basically attacking me supposedly for being unsuccessful in relationships with women to the extent that I've ALWAYS been disgusted at the reduction of relationships and the beauty of them to sexuality alone and people's tendency in my Class to obsess over the sex to the Detriment of emotional factors which is PART of what left me so confused because I hadn't realized that my sense of priorities wasn't necessarily the same page everyone else was on until much later.
ALAS when I said I'd rather hear three simple words than get laid that wasn't bullshit.
and I'm so tired of having my purity thrown into question. I don't know why I find it so profoundly insulting except that I'm not guilty of pretending to be a feminist in order to get laid.
I've made mistakes in my relationships with women but I was never ever that reductive.
Plus to be terribly honest with you I think women are smart enough to figure it out if that really was what was driving me.
and it's not even that I have no interest in sex at all or that I'm ENTIRELY focused on emotions it's just that it seems to me that a lot of people would place sex as their priority in relationships whereas I'd place emotions and romance as mine.
I've ALWAYS stood against the kind of bullshit being hurled my way though. maybe it's comfortable because opposing it is so familiar.
Those three words btw?
"I love you."
love though... that's a lot more difficult to find than sex.
which isn't what you would superficially expect.
