I dispute your narrative about victim blaming though on second thought.

I disagree that my statement was victim blaming because when I see victim blaming myself and complain about it (I've done so before) my examples took the extra step of doing it to minimize the empathy we ought to have for the person and I do believe very strongly that just because a victim could have taken steps to prevent the tragedy doesn't mean they deserve whatever happened to them.

I would argue the definition of victim blaming should narrow to the very narrow circumstance in which a person in order to maintain a delusion in a just world distorts reality in order to blame the victim and also takes the extra step of arguing that they deserved their fate because they should have known better.

I think cara ought to have known better but that she didn't deserve her fate.
I wish she was still with us.

no one deserves to be abused because they made a mistake.