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i wish i had a genuine answer to this question, because of most of the people on here owlie, i genuinely believe that you deserve it. but as someone who on occasion seeks this, i don't know honestly. when i sometimes fall in this pit i stay there sometimes quite a long while. but what i can say is. whenever possible, do grab a hold of whatever light is within your heart. hold onto that, and TIGHT, find warmth within it, peace, and i hope that while doing so, the thing you desire the most finds you, and holds you as tightly as you grasped onto that light, and they then become the light in your heart. i wish you luck <3
