I just need to get this off my chest...

My entire life I'm struggling with my weight. I was a skinny child, I was in dance and gymnastics. But someone somewhere told me I was Fat! because I wasn't a size 0. Today was the first day of me starting a weight loss journey I had been working out for months but I just started a diet today. I meal preped for the first time. And the entire day I felt like I was starving!!! And it just brought me back to being 14 with an eating disorder. Starving myself for weeks because I felt ugly. Even tho I wasn't fat at all. And now here I am like 40 pounds over weight. Trying to do it the heathy way and feel more confident on my 21st birhday in 2 months. Yet here I am crying my eyes out because Today I felt like I was 14 again fighting those self hatred thoughts saying... you deserve to feel hungry because you did this to your body. I'm not obese. But I'm not fit. I just want to feel confident and beautiful and love my body and I just don't feel like I'm ever going to be good enough. Diets just f...... suck!