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Faust76 · 46-50, M
Fittingly enough, it turns out the term "catfish" is itself a catfish: It's completely fictious, made up and never meant anything. http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2013/01/18/catfish_meaning_and_definition_term_for_online_hoaxes_has_a_surprisingly.html On the other hand, it carries the connotation of cold and slimy, and the implication of luring as in fishing, so it's stuck.
The term itself turns out problematic, since as originally intended it simply meant being fake or deceptive, behavior that's been going on ages over, but just in online context. When a person hooks up for the purpose of sex but implies it's more, or turns out they are married but hid the ring, they're scum... unless it's online, in that case they're a catfish. Moreover, and ethically worrisomely, it seems to be taking over the place of slut-shaming in online discourse; if the relationship didn't work out for any reason, well obviously it's because they were a catfish.
I think the term should be applied only to situations that are proven, and nearly unique to the online realm, such as using a fake picture to claim to be another gender etc. but that seems a lost fight. The immediate practical problem is that if being a catfish is any kind of deception over their persona, availability or intentions, then it's what's been going on in the "real life" since forever, and some people don't learn the truth until after several years of marriage, if even then.
If we're talking about the behavior facilitated easier by Internet (Pen-pals and foreign students, world travelers etc. have fallen with and in love world over), then the always connected nature of Internet makes it slightly easier. Of course, you get some dumb conflicting advice; for example Dr. Phil (the charlatan :p) says if they don't immediately upon meeting send you a picture of themselves, they're clearly a catfish. Likewise, if they don't have an extremely popular Facebook profile with hundreds of friends, they can only be a catfish. I would personally turn these advice on their head, but regardless, they're both pretty bad indicators whichever way you go.
However, there's some indications that are probably good. First one is if they're sharing seemingly almost everything else with you, but for some strange reason refuse to let you hear or see them live, that's a big red flag that everything isn't as they say. Don't get me wrong; everybody's at least a little self-conscious, and everybody should be concerned over their privacy. But if you've shared the requisite pictures, are sharing embarrassing secrets and planning the future, then it becomes an odd thing.
Another is if they're chronically incapable of keeping promises. There comes a situation all of us have to break a promise we've made to someone that matters to us, but normal people will usually explain and ask for permission, and apologize properly at the earliest possible opportunity - or at least they should. If they act like breaking a promise is no big deal, or you're making things up, you may not even be dealing with a catfish, but you're in for a world of hurt anyway.
The 'motivational' quotes like "When you're important to someone, they will always find a way to make time for you. No excuses, no lies, and no broken promises." are kind of dumb in their absolute certainty, and in that people always see it in others but not themselves. However, there's more than a kernel of truth to that. If communication ONLY happens on their terms say on a text-only site with many people, or you need to always be there when they need you, but even when they promise to be there for you, or to do something, something else always comes up and they may not even let you know, let alone apologize... well, you're NOT on their mind, someone else (or several someone's) are.
Whee for long writeups...
The term itself turns out problematic, since as originally intended it simply meant being fake or deceptive, behavior that's been going on ages over, but just in online context. When a person hooks up for the purpose of sex but implies it's more, or turns out they are married but hid the ring, they're scum... unless it's online, in that case they're a catfish. Moreover, and ethically worrisomely, it seems to be taking over the place of slut-shaming in online discourse; if the relationship didn't work out for any reason, well obviously it's because they were a catfish.
I think the term should be applied only to situations that are proven, and nearly unique to the online realm, such as using a fake picture to claim to be another gender etc. but that seems a lost fight. The immediate practical problem is that if being a catfish is any kind of deception over their persona, availability or intentions, then it's what's been going on in the "real life" since forever, and some people don't learn the truth until after several years of marriage, if even then.
If we're talking about the behavior facilitated easier by Internet (Pen-pals and foreign students, world travelers etc. have fallen with and in love world over), then the always connected nature of Internet makes it slightly easier. Of course, you get some dumb conflicting advice; for example Dr. Phil (the charlatan :p) says if they don't immediately upon meeting send you a picture of themselves, they're clearly a catfish. Likewise, if they don't have an extremely popular Facebook profile with hundreds of friends, they can only be a catfish. I would personally turn these advice on their head, but regardless, they're both pretty bad indicators whichever way you go.
However, there's some indications that are probably good. First one is if they're sharing seemingly almost everything else with you, but for some strange reason refuse to let you hear or see them live, that's a big red flag that everything isn't as they say. Don't get me wrong; everybody's at least a little self-conscious, and everybody should be concerned over their privacy. But if you've shared the requisite pictures, are sharing embarrassing secrets and planning the future, then it becomes an odd thing.
Another is if they're chronically incapable of keeping promises. There comes a situation all of us have to break a promise we've made to someone that matters to us, but normal people will usually explain and ask for permission, and apologize properly at the earliest possible opportunity - or at least they should. If they act like breaking a promise is no big deal, or you're making things up, you may not even be dealing with a catfish, but you're in for a world of hurt anyway.
The 'motivational' quotes like "When you're important to someone, they will always find a way to make time for you. No excuses, no lies, and no broken promises." are kind of dumb in their absolute certainty, and in that people always see it in others but not themselves. However, there's more than a kernel of truth to that. If communication ONLY happens on their terms say on a text-only site with many people, or you need to always be there when they need you, but even when they promise to be there for you, or to do something, something else always comes up and they may not even let you know, let alone apologize... well, you're NOT on their mind, someone else (or several someone's) are.
Whee for long writeups...