It seems to me you are hurting because some one you want in your life isn’t wanting you back in the same way.
I don’t think you shoul intentionally hurt someone who isn’t into you, yet is actually available if and when you call them. That is called a friend. It sounds like a kind friend.
No one human being can be your EVERYTHING. Not your mother. Not your father. Not a preacher or a nun. Not a counselor, not a brother not a sister. If these important people can’t fill all the gaps in your life, why or how is it possible that one friend can or would.
You are blaming someone else for not reaching out to you. But that person is not different than anyone else on the list I mentioned. Why single them out? Why not become just as busy as anyone else. Why not find things YOU like to do, because you like them? Why are you trying to fit into someone else’s life when you have the chance to write and create your own path?
Think about what you live doing and embrace those things. Do you need to grow a skill? Then take a class or read a book.
And by all means join healthy events. If you are autistic, find organizations for autism! Okay, you may need to see a doctor to help you sort this out. Don’t listen to me, but yes, see a doctor and tell him how you feel. Ask him how you can get help if needed? Please delete my comments if they offend you. I mean well.
