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(Better post) why is alpha male ok, but alpha female not?

Why do men get bent out of shape over alpha women? But alpha male is ok?
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In the home and in social settings, I prefer equality and avoid alphas and controlling types.

We do need leaders in many settings though, especially in emergencies.
An alpha female is just as fine with me.
It's the expertise, ability to think fast, and ability to coordinate others into a cooperative team that is needed. For me, the gender is irrelevant.