What can I wipe my ass with if I got no toilet paper

Soap and water?

I don’t know. I’m still good.

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Cut up old tshirts you don't use. You can wash and reuse it until you can buy toilet paper again. You can use washcloths as well.

Apparently they sell bidet attachments. Have a look online at Home Depo or Lowes, maybe Amazon.

Kleenex

Water

This is getting out of hand

A spork works pretty good.

Arm sleeve

Socks