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Am i just selfish?

Went swimming yesterday, when i arrived this woman behind the counter, gave me a set of rules i must adhere to if i use the sauna/steam room. Most important one 'BE NICE to the other ladies'
I just said ok, signed in and walked off.
As i entered the pool i noticed a class was going on, there was one medium paced lane and a larger 2 lane area.
I went into the medium paced section, only to find my fellow swimmer left to join the bigger 2 lane area.
The lifeguard smiled, so i smiled back.
Not sure if he was just smiling i continued to swim, he continued to do so and shook his head. So i asked if he was laughing at me because I didn't understand what he was getting at.
He said i was beautiful, initially i asked him if he was sure, sarcastically, then thanked him.
Anyways he proceeded to basically chat Me up.
We introduced ourselves , he asked if I was taken or single (i declined my answer) he asked if he'd see me again to which i said probably as swimming is apart of my routine.
I then continued my swim peacefully. I noticed some of the other women giving me dirty looks, where some responded to my smiles.
I went into the steam area showered off etc. As soon as i got out the shower, i was asked if i had conditioner. With a smile on my face, i told the woman, i have enough for my hair, And continued with my plan.
They asked me about the things i brought for myself which i happily answered.
Some of which angling for whatever i had.

I'm learning to be independent again, and I'm also learning to not people please. I used to desperately want 'friends' but it seems 'Friend's' means sponge off me.

Am I selfish, probably why? Because I was always helping others, a listening ear, financial aid, cheerleader but when I desperately needed help, I was scrabbling around. And one that did help, saw it as an opportunity to exploit me and kept making me feel like crap whilst i tried to pull myself out the gutter so to speak.

Kind of accepting things atm.
SW User
It's a little selfish them asking for your things. Be you. Dont analyse it. If it makes you happy, even if it's not what people tell you is normal, just do it. You're lovely.
Peppa · 26-30, F
[@949508,V00dooCakeNinja] its funny, in the past I would have felt awful. "shes going to think im a bitch!"
But you know what, i am.

I work for my money, very hard, putting up with crap I really don't want too. This is my time to relax. Giving away my stuff means there's less for me... Ummm why? I'm not a parent...
GJOFJ3 · 61-69, M
It doesn't sound like you are selfish, it sounds like you are cautious and taking good care of yourself .
Wishing you the very best
Peppa · 26-30, F
[@11768,GJOFJ3] I'm trying to do better. It's taken me a long time to get to this...
GJOFJ3 · 61-69, M
[@305137,Peppa] good for you! Just keep trying and doing
What sort of fucked up establishment mentions “being nice to the other ladies” as a rule of entry???!! Mind blown
Th1nkF1rst · 61-69, M
[@1016510,Seren] Sounds like "Bitch Club" or

"Planet Bitchiest"
Peppa · 26-30, F
[@1016510,Seren] i don't want to be rude but its heavily used by a community of people. In the past they didn't bother me but i see that they are very much for themselves which is why theres been so many complaints. They use the facilities but pretty much try to take over.
Example, they know male and female staff will do a walk around so we've been told no nudity, no scrubbing in the steam room or sauna etc. The building closes at 9.30 so we need to vacate the steam area at 9.00 for cleaning.
They decided to wait until told to leave at 9 to shower. The lifeguard had to clean the showers so one woman started telling him off. DO NOT COME IN HERE!
So he politely told her that the sign says cleaning in progress, but she continued to shout, so he raised his voice and said shouting at me won't doesn't change that this area is closed you need to leave. So her friends spoke in their language and she came out.
They are piss takers and use their misunderstanding of the language as an excuse but they already know.
So I'm guessing it was a warning but I refuse to be bullied into their rules. I follow the centres rules.
Sharing is not an obligation. And being nice is easy... Its just what their view on being nice is.
You were nice but not a push over. You honestly seem to have found a really good balance with that, based on the story you shared here. 🤷
Th1nkF1rst · 61-69, M
[@405723,AmbivalentFriability] 👍
Yes she did excellent!👌
Peppa · 26-30, F
[@405723,AmbivalentFriability] thanks hun, you always show me support and I really appreciate it. Settling into it a bit better now. I suppose once I'm comfortable I'll probably stop asking for validation x
Th1nkF1rst · 61-69, M
Good deal! Great Job dealing with them!
Keep it up!

Real friendly people would have been more welcoming and less greedy.

If they really Needed that stuff, they should have brought it with them!
Try, "I only have enough left for myself, but you can buy it at Walmart and bring some for everyone next time!"

Did they even introduce themselves?

The lifeguard needs,
"Do you like to hit on everyone or just the new people that haven't figured out that you're a tool yet!??"
Peppa · 26-30, F
[@403942,Th1nkF1rst] it's shocking really. My mum always says this to me. Why is it when you go somewhere people ask you these things. I used to take real offense to her asking me that, because she never had an answer just 'i dont get it! This doesn't happen to me!' but i realise most people think im younger than them, the people that do this do it because they are scroungers. I hate saying this but I get it.

Im satisfied that the life guard won't bother me again. He didnt recognise me after i finished swimming had removed all my make up and had curly hair.
Maybe it was the face mask, maybe it was my blemished skin. (i had make up on before) he is visually stimulated in all his endeavours and not the person for me.
A man id date would have seen me and been cautious in his approach because something worthwhile requires a little more thought, and resistance would have shown him the type of person i am.
Maybe he got the measure of me in one or maybe not.
Or maybe that was his way of trying to intimidate me so I dont return, who knows...
Either way i couldn't care less.
I was happy to chat for all of 2 minutes and i was happy to smile at him. But that is it.
I came there to swim and if he continues he will lose his job, not me. As I'm a customer.
The other women were watching and some listening. I was informed that some women using the steam room were making complaints about various behaviour. Either way I'm not there for the drama.

I decided long ago that i try and remain as dignified and classy as possible, also be friendly without, giving away more than i want or taking crap.
I find people are more afraid of people that appear to be nice 'smiling etc' but giving the clear f off!
It puzzles them as the face doesn't match the words, the spin makes them leave you alone.
So thank you, i really appreciate the encouragement x
Pfuzylogic · M
I think you have an excellent plan.
It is healthy to keep your personal boundaries and give it some time to let people in as friends.
Peppa · 26-30, F
[@3118,Pfuzylogic] funny thing is I don't want them to be my friends.
Pfuzylogic · M
[@305137,Peppa] I can tell that you were very appropriate. You have a selection process activated which is working just fine!

 
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