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I cancelled twice meeting the sexual abuse counselor..

I just can't do it. I shake, I leg bounces, I get fidgety, I stutter, I can't think straight when speaking..I don't how people do it. I'm just so scared that one day I know it's gonna happen again, but this time he'll hurt me even more or even worse. I'm just scared in general...

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HootyTheNightOwl

Bite the bullet, man!!! S/he will understand that you will be scared and nervous - but you need help to break the cycle of abuse...

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HootyTheNightOwl

@WeighedDown i still struggle a lot mentally because of what i've been through, too. On bad days, it's all that i can do to keep breathing for one more minute.

i'm glad that a lot of those thoughts and desires aren't as strong now as they can be and i can make it through the day with no attempts... though i don't think that i would be as strong as i am without the support of my Sire to keep me fighting the fight.

WeighedDown · 41-45, M

@HootyTheNightOwl EMDR therapy has helped me more than I ever thought possible, still not where I would like to be and don't think I will ever be a well adjusted fully functional adult. Missed therapy today and because of recent events I really needed to go today

HootyTheNightOwl

@WeighedDown i don't think any of us can reach well adjusted, fully functional stage - however, that doesn't mean that we shouldn't strive to be the best that we can be in spite of that, even if we do need more help to do that than the average person.

i've got another appointment with a psychologist coming up... i'm not sure how much this is going to help me, though, given that i already feel overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that people are expecting of me right now. i feel like i'm losing my mind as it is.

Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M

Even just going to therapy in general it's a bit of a struggle the first couple times, going blank is pretty common so write down what you wanna say. But the most important part is that you go and face it, the more you talk about it the easier it becomes.

Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M

Everything you're feeling is about right. Understandable.
BUT the ONLY way you can get some sort of closure and then find recovery is by following the Counsellor's advice.

Adamski24 · 41-45, M

You just have to do it for yourself don't let them win.
I know I obviously don't know what you have been thorough.
You will have good days and bad days just take each day as it comes.
Stay strong.

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WeighedDown · 41-45, M

I have been in and out of therapy for it since 2012, there are still things I have never told anyone, but there are things I thought I would never tell anyone that I have. Go your own pace, they shouldn't push for more info than you are willing to provide. The first visit is the hardest.

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SW-User

@WeighedDown I would be in a state of shock, be stuttering and scared...I know myself

WeighedDown · 41-45, M

@SW-User I still stutter at times

SW-User

@WeighedDown *hugs tight* me too

passingby8 · 31-35, F

Have you tried writing what you wanna say to the counselor down?maybe it'll make it easier?Or tell or write this to him?maybe he can walk you through it.Also maybe it's ok not to talk about certain things yet only what you feel comfortable with for now.

SW-User

@passingby8 I want help, and i need help because i keep getting nightmares and getting depressed as well as suicidal thoughts... but I'm scared

Bushmanoz · 61-69, M

@SW-User Don't be more scared of living and facing this than killing yourself..think about that..you can do this

passingby8 · 31-35, F

@SW-User I'm sorry.

SW-User

Honestly, you can either just wait until you're ready, or you can push yourself to do it. No one can really help you with taking the first step. That's on you. Just take your time.

Mrsbetweenfatandfit · 26-30, F

I can say from my own personal experience I understand how terrifying/ shameful ( even though you’ve not done something to be ashamed of) trying to talk about what happened can make you feel. But I can also say finally having that space with an unbiased, professional who’s only job was to listen to me & help me accept the things I hid away. How to not let certain events define who I was. It was life changing. It is always hard to begin something so sensitive but to continue without that outlet won’t help you grow.

SW-User

@Mrsbetweenfatandfit I think its because I grew up at such a extremely toxic masculine environment...i just got used too not crying in front of people, not showing my feelings..

Mrsbetweenfatandfit · 26-30, F

I understand breaking from the mold is an extremely difficult thing to do. But you’re the only one who can choose to do what’s hard to help yourself. I hope you do@SW-User

Bushmanoz · 61-69, M

Take someone with you, it's the only way you are going to get past the fear

SW-User

@Bushmanoz I don't want them to judge me...

Bushmanoz · 61-69, M

@SW-User Anyone who judges you for something like that is not worth knowing, As Becksta said, bite the bullet, by the sounds of it you have been through much worse than this and made it through. You need to find a way to cope with the fear and start healing, the counselor will help

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