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An internet friend with borderline personality disorder told me to leave; Does he mean it?

I've had a crush on him for 5 years and he only found out I existed and talked to me within the past month. He's cold and unhappy most of the time, sometimes rude without realizing it, occasionally playfully morbid, occasionally more open. He claims to have given up on relationships because love has only caused him pain and rejection and he doesn't want to hurt anyone/get hurt.

Today, after a conversation ended, he came back 50 min later. I replied and he said, 'cool'. I said, 'when you say that i never know if you want me to leave'. He started saying he didn't want to talk to anyone ever again. When I said goodnight to him, he snapped at me to 'just leave'. Does he mean it or was this just a temporary trigger? Either way, what should I do? I don't want to be persistent and disrespectful but if he didn't mean it I'd feel bad for just being another person to run away from him and causing him greater feelings of abandonment.

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greenmountaingal · 80-89, F

There is no known cure for borderline personality disorder. There no known effective treatment for borderline personality disorder. I worked (as a teacher) in a state mental hospital for 10 years. Borderline personality disordered people were the most difficult people, the most destructive people, the most unpredictable people and the most disliked people in the hospital (by both patients and staff). Most psychologists and staff people would rather work with psychotic people or sociopathic people than BPD people.

Please have the good sense to back off. He is being manipulative with you. He is not someone you want as a friend, online or otherwise. Take care of yourself. Learn one of the greatest skills any young woman can learn; learn to ignore or not act on crushes on difficult, moody or troubled men. It will put you way ahead of the game.

He is giving you a chance to flee this relationship. Take it. Flee. Don't look back.

friedchickenwing · 26-30, F

Curious. Why do you think he is being manipulative? The impression I got was that he just gets triggered and irritated easily and is afraid of closeness but lacks the introspection to identify and deal with his feelings.

greenmountaingal · 80-89, F

That is probably why he manipulates.It is an easier way to interact for him.

Consider what you just stated:

1. He gets "triggered" and irritated easily.
(In everyday life we call this having a bad temper).
2. He is afraid of closeness. (A cold, if outwardly dramatic, emotional,personality)
3. Doesn't have the ability to deal with his own feelings. (Often referred to as immaturity).

Are you sure you want to pursue a relationship with someone like this? There is not a lot of room for friendship here.

If you think he is "interesting" and you feel compassion for him and would like to help him...study to become a psychologist and psychotherapist specializing in BPD.

friedchickenwing · 26-30, F

@greenmountaingal: I guess was always drawn to him because he reminded me of a more extreme version of me. I didn't know he had bpd until recently and I have a hard time letting go.

I'm still confused about what you mean in the manipulation part though. How and why he does It.

Thanks for your help

greenmountaingal · 80-89, F

@friedchickenwing: Actually, a doctor I knew in the hospital where I worked described BPD patients as just like the rest of us only more extreme. Also, people without BPD have learned that they don't have to act on a feeling, even a strong one.