I dont wanna be like this anymore.

Prior to 8th grade I was painfully shy, awkward, nerdy and weird. (Now I'm not painfully shy, hehehe) But I saw girl classmates that I wanted to know and be more 'popular' with them. I forced myself to say hi to all of them in the halls, passing by, at lockers, etc. Just one day, boom, fought my fear and did it and kept at it no matter if they didn't say hi or not. It was life-changing for me then.

My suggestion is to do the same. Figure out how you want to be, and force it upon yourself, keep at it. Eventually it will become you.