Why am I like this? Why do I keep self destructing?! 🙃

It’s called depression hun , and it is destructive in it self because the chaotic negative thoughts aren’t letting you think in a positive way , you have to find a way to change the cycle and focus on something other than those crazy thoughts , I know it’s hard trust me because I’m going through it too and even with meds it’s still difficult but it is a little easier to concentrate on things and keep your focus , what you need is a hobby or just find things that you enjoy doing and just do them , focus on being happy and not on being in that crazy chaotic place in your head. Good luck sweetheart I’ll pray for you that God will give you strength and understanding. Maybe you can Join a group therapy meeting or go see a therapist if you don’t already , I’ve found these things have helped me personally. Just please take care of yourself hun and do whatever you gotta do to make your life better, & stop sinking in that pit of dispair and self pity trust me it’s not a good place to be.