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How could I start this senentence?

Later that evening, it was finally time. The day started to slowly drift away, letting...

[Does it make sense and start off good? How could I word this better?]

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fun4us2b · M

The day drifted away, evening slowly, finally coming...

JohnnySpot · 56-60, M

There was an explosion in the sky that shook the earth.

puck61

@JohnnySpot Go with that.

JohnnySpot · 56-60, M

Everyone is outside.