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How could I start this senentence?

Later that evening, it was finally time. The day started to slowly drift away, letting...

[Does it make sense and start off good? How could I word this better?]

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lorne13 · 61-69, M

t5he first sentence sounds fine, then I would say, the day had started to slowly drift away

JohnnySpot · 56-60, M

as the blood red moon established an endless night.