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Do you fit in?

Imagine living in a world where you grow up as a foreigner.
You're not in your ancestral land.
You look around and although there are others like you they are different to you.
You are aware of your ethnicity and the culture but it doesn't feel like home.
You visit home and you are not welcomed, but treated worse that the real outsiders.
Where do you go?
You travel far and wide to find acceptance but you're a misfit.

The one place you expect to be accept is with those who gave you life but still you are rejected.

Here I live a life of isolation waiting for the day to find my home within.
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SW-User
I've found that once youve moved away from your roots you never really fit in. You're always an outsider. Even when you go back home it's not the same because you have changed.
Peppa · 31-35, F
@SW-User I had no choice I was born and bred here. I'm 3rd generation, when my grandparents left they told very little to my Mother of Jamaica and even as she grew up she ended up believing what they were told by the English here that Jamaica is backwards,the people are animals etc, part of what happens when you live in racist west Midlands so although she didn't hate Jamaica she didn't have anything to connect to. Unfortunately that's been passed down to me, I have more curiosity but having very little knowledge makes me stick out like a sore thumb. I've been described as a foreigner, laughed at and mocked for how "British" I actually am. And the few times I was accepted I now realize was because I was a gateway to certain things.

Some people due to their uniqueness have a passport to the world and acceptance. I don't command such a luxury
NickiHijab · F
@Peppa I live in the west midlands too. Sorry you've felt like an outsider😕
Peppa · 31-35, F
@NickiHijab my mum is from Wolverhampton and that's where she lived and I've grown up in London.
I have had very few black friends growing up. And although I know more of them now I just don't really fit in with them. There are lots of things that they do and keep up with that I just don't really understand, partly because I can't afford it, it seems irrelevant to me and it's just not my priority.
I have always been focused on my family that is very broken and disjointed. Not really had much more thought for anything else. I know in wolves there is a massive Asian culture and although they aren't home you are welcomed regardless.
NickiHijab · F
@Peppa So you feel like an outsider even around those similar to you?
To be honest, i'm surrounded around many of the same culture that I don't identify with so I understand where you're coming from. When I was younger I was surrounded around friends of the same race, until I got older I was exposed to different cultures and now have African, Jamaican and Asian friends which is refreshing because being cooped up around people that parrot the same lifestyle can get boring but that's just me. I don't think it's ever too late or impossible to find like minded people. Hopefully you do.
Peppa · 31-35, F
@NickiHijab I totally get this [quote] being cooped up around people that parrot the same lifestyle can get boring but that's just me. [/quote]
I struggle with family and community relationships. If they were more vocal it would help but they aren't so if I needed to work on something I could. So I just don't know. The harsh thing I'd constantly being told you're nice to constantly be rejected. I know that in recent times I've made a conscious decision not to be "nice" and git rid of those I was hanging on to just to have people around but I felt like crap. So in my new state of mind I'm ready to find honesty and sincerity and acceptance of who I am going forward. Not because I need that validation but because I think it's the best way to have and keep friends, when your true to yourself there can be no doubts