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Forgive me father for I have sinned...

My last confession was 4 months ago, and here are my sins. I stole from my local mall, not once, not twice, but five times. I also took money from my friend's purse, I then blamed it on her brother and he took the heat. Lastly, I lied to my therapist saying that I couldn't make it to my appmnt bc I was doing something with my Aunt, but in fact I stayed home to watch Shameless. Thank you! So fucking glad I got that off my chest! 😌
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Add adultery and tax evasion and you can become the USA president