The longest you’ve been in a toxic relationship?
What’s the longest you’ve been in one and why?
46-50, M
This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »
SteelHands · 61-69, M
@Starcrossed I know of no states in the US that if you move away and file for divorce that after a year one will not be granted.
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
@SteelHands I won't take his kid away from him just because things didn't work between us. He on the other hand, has and will follow through on threats to make my life hell if he doesn't think this is his idea. He'll destroy my things, make a compelling full custody case against me due to my injury. It's unfortunately not as simple as just packing up and leaving. I can't afford a 2nd rent, our mortage, a lawyer and a finance advisor. I wish it were simple.
SteelHands · 61-69, M
@Starcrossed You could try. Or you could ask one of his parents or relatives to speak to him.
Most men who are father's care so much about their child they would do anything in their best interests.
Hell. Give me a couple days off and on and I'll convince the best father on earth it would be better that he leave you and the child now.
Rather than waste half his life to become Mr Falling Down to you, Mr. Toxic to his own child, and Mr. put down that water pistol to some cop who wants to stick it to you.
Seriously. I've helped men get out of disfunctioned lives before. Several of them are happily remarried now.
You can go your own way. It just takes some tact and a friend handy with diplomacy and solid case of reason.
I'm divested, by the way. Living like a grub isn't so bad. It just takes some b getting used to.
Most men who are father's care so much about their child they would do anything in their best interests.
Hell. Give me a couple days off and on and I'll convince the best father on earth it would be better that he leave you and the child now.
Rather than waste half his life to become Mr Falling Down to you, Mr. Toxic to his own child, and Mr. put down that water pistol to some cop who wants to stick it to you.
Seriously. I've helped men get out of disfunctioned lives before. Several of them are happily remarried now.
You can go your own way. It just takes some tact and a friend handy with diplomacy and solid case of reason.
I'm divested, by the way. Living like a grub isn't so bad. It just takes some b getting used to.
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
@SteelHands I have been trying. He comes from a suuuuper toxic divorced parents himself. There is no talking to his father on my part, and I'm trying to keep a good relationship with his mother - she knows we've working through some stuff for years now.
I have no doubts in my mind over how much he cares for our child, but his idea of what is in her (and his own) best interest is different than mine. We've been seeing a third therapist the past 3 months or so to help him and I get on the same page.
I agree, why waste all of our lives delaying the inevitable - but again - he doesn't see it that way. I'd LOVE to see him move on and find someone who can bring him the fulfillment that I cannot. Obviously want the same for myself.
I know I could just leave, but that would financially ruin us. As long as we can keep more days mostly as peaceful co-parent roommates than not, I see initiating that financial ruin as not doing what is in the best interest of our child and ourselves. He's slowly getting on board as we've been talking about what the custody and living (birds nest) arrangement could/would look like. He's week to week with what he agrees with, or decides he no longer agrees with. Anything and everything that goes wrong in a few week period is deemed as my fault and takes up significant time in our therapy rehashing. It's exhausting dealing with such a childish selfish person but that's life.
I appreciate your counsel.
I have no doubts in my mind over how much he cares for our child, but his idea of what is in her (and his own) best interest is different than mine. We've been seeing a third therapist the past 3 months or so to help him and I get on the same page.
I agree, why waste all of our lives delaying the inevitable - but again - he doesn't see it that way. I'd LOVE to see him move on and find someone who can bring him the fulfillment that I cannot. Obviously want the same for myself.
I know I could just leave, but that would financially ruin us. As long as we can keep more days mostly as peaceful co-parent roommates than not, I see initiating that financial ruin as not doing what is in the best interest of our child and ourselves. He's slowly getting on board as we've been talking about what the custody and living (birds nest) arrangement could/would look like. He's week to week with what he agrees with, or decides he no longer agrees with. Anything and everything that goes wrong in a few week period is deemed as my fault and takes up significant time in our therapy rehashing. It's exhausting dealing with such a childish selfish person but that's life.
I appreciate your counsel.