I'm horrible at being social
Growing up I was really shy but afterwords once I'd get comfortable I didn't have problems making conversation.
But over the years I just got worse from lack of human interaction. I'd be home by myself many times. It was my choice to be alone, at first it was because I felt like my presence wasn't wanted so I'd stay as a courtesy to them; which is such an odd thing for a kid to think. Looking back IDK how my parents could let me be alone all the time.
Then later I'd stay alone because I started getting anxiety & my depression was making me feel like crap & paranoid that family was only putting up with me since every Christmas with my cousins I was left out every single time; it's so awkward as a kid seeing everyone get gifts & I'm just there staring hoping no one asks what I got. Which was nothing & some of the adults would be shocked which made no sense because it was like that every year, so staying home alone was better choice.
Feeling left out constantly just made me want shut myself out from the world. And once I was adult I realized I'm more horrible at socialising than when I was a kid.
Whenever I'm being genuine I feel like I sound fake. I also tend to stutter (nothing too bad) & just overall kind of slowish, I hate to say it but I sound kind of dumb when I talk & I only believe it more by how some others talk to me like I'm "slow" and just in general sounds like a customer service voice.
I sometimes think of getting some sort of speech training or something I'm not sure. I just know I have the potential be better at socialising. Not social butterfly levels lol 馃槅 but better than my skills now.
But over the years I just got worse from lack of human interaction. I'd be home by myself many times. It was my choice to be alone, at first it was because I felt like my presence wasn't wanted so I'd stay as a courtesy to them; which is such an odd thing for a kid to think. Looking back IDK how my parents could let me be alone all the time.
Then later I'd stay alone because I started getting anxiety & my depression was making me feel like crap & paranoid that family was only putting up with me since every Christmas with my cousins I was left out every single time; it's so awkward as a kid seeing everyone get gifts & I'm just there staring hoping no one asks what I got. Which was nothing & some of the adults would be shocked which made no sense because it was like that every year, so staying home alone was better choice.
Feeling left out constantly just made me want shut myself out from the world. And once I was adult I realized I'm more horrible at socialising than when I was a kid.
Whenever I'm being genuine I feel like I sound fake. I also tend to stutter (nothing too bad) & just overall kind of slowish, I hate to say it but I sound kind of dumb when I talk & I only believe it more by how some others talk to me like I'm "slow" and just in general sounds like a customer service voice.
I sometimes think of getting some sort of speech training or something I'm not sure. I just know I have the potential be better at socialising. Not social butterfly levels lol 馃槅 but better than my skills now.
