Stress can take over a part of your focus on what you want. In my opinion, I think it seems like you are avoiding your true self, but really, you are most likely just trapped in the routine process of school, work, etc. It's hard to let go of those important things, which makes it seem like you can never relax. Just know that you are capable of doing anything you want to do in your life, it all just depend when you are ready to do those things. Let yourself relax and take over. Let go of worries. And by that, I mean, set a plan you think fits best with you and work to that plan. Don't drop all important things, (I assume you want to keep a job, and maybe continue your education). Remember, you can take a break from academics and learn through experiences. Whatever your heart desires and what you feel like you would like to do- you are capable.