Riddle me this
Why is it that when you have fully healed from something or someone that person comes back into your life only to f@ck you up all over again ? Just to heal yourself all over again ? Why do people do this ?
PerfectionOfTheHeart · 46-50, F
I used to welcome people back into my life over and over again with opened arms and heart until the pain of the pattern got to be too much. I had to set boundaries for myself.
Now when someone shows me who they truly are, I listen. Fully. So much so that I make the pain they inflicted become their entire story in my Book of Life. And when they come back around…they always come back for their own ego boost…I never allow them to have access to the same version of me. Never. I’ll be cordial, but even if they ask me how I’m doing I’ll respond with a generic “I’m fine” because they’re no longer allowed to know my truth or my heart. The last person who hurt me did this and after he made me say “I’m fine” for a third time, I flat out told him that’s the only answer he’ll ever get because he no longer has access to me.
Once they realize they’ve been denied that access and what was once given to them, they leave completely of their own free will…which he did.
Boundaries are your friend, but for some of us it takes a lot of pain to utilize them.
Now when someone shows me who they truly are, I listen. Fully. So much so that I make the pain they inflicted become their entire story in my Book of Life. And when they come back around…they always come back for their own ego boost…I never allow them to have access to the same version of me. Never. I’ll be cordial, but even if they ask me how I’m doing I’ll respond with a generic “I’m fine” because they’re no longer allowed to know my truth or my heart. The last person who hurt me did this and after he made me say “I’m fine” for a third time, I flat out told him that’s the only answer he’ll ever get because he no longer has access to me.
Once they realize they’ve been denied that access and what was once given to them, they leave completely of their own free will…which he did.
Boundaries are your friend, but for some of us it takes a lot of pain to utilize them.
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SW-User
@PerfectionOfTheHeart I did what they tell you to not do after you've been ignored/ ghosted . I sent an apology for any part i may have played in it haha ...Just wanted to show him that he didn’t break me and this is what maturity looks like . I did it for me . For my own closure . I said I'm I'm saying not looking for a response just saying my peace then I'm moving on .
PerfectionOfTheHeart · 46-50, F
@SW-User Yeah, I used to do the same too. I needed that last word put out there to remind them I was still there and that I noticed their ghosting so it left a lasting mark on them, but it was a form of closure for me. What I found out though was that last message brought me further pain because it was another opportunity for them to show how little they cared. I would ruminate on it for entirely too long in the hopes they’d care enough to respond to my hurt. They never do though. It would later become a door they could open again to enter my life.
Nowadays I silently give myself closure without providing them with that door. That’s just who I’ve become.
Nowadays I silently give myself closure without providing them with that door. That’s just who I’ve become.
SW-User
@PerfectionOfTheHeart I was that way too . I guess I just wanted my own closure . I will no longer message them in the future . That door is permanently closed . Thank you for understanding.
StarLily · 51-55, F
Because they want what you used to give them... your care, love, and attention. Every single f*cking relationship I've had that came to an end; they've always come back. Always. I've learned to not go back. If they couldn't value what they had, they probably won't a second time around either.
VisionQuest · 51-55, M
SW-User
@VisionQuest Go with your gut
VisionQuest · 51-55, M
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