It's so bizarre.
When I was just a tiny child and had yet to experience the most early signs of whatever mental illness I have, the world was just floating on. People were going to work and then coming home to their family. Cars were being manufactured. Video games were advancing. Musical artists were performing. Humanity was just doing human things and being humanity.
Then somewhere along the line, around 9 years of age, it started. Year by year, I noticed a dramatic change. I didn't know it at the time but I was becoming depressed. My brain was just stagnating for 10 years without treatment... that does things to you that even most people with depression don't understand. Especially as a child when 10 years feels like 100.
Now it's 2022 and I hear old stories. I watch old videos. I listen to old songs that I recall from childhood. Right now it's I Can't Wait by Stevie Nicks. When she was up on stage performing that song, and I was drinking milk out of a baby bottle, that was really the same Earth that I'm standing on now? It just feels so different. Like that was a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. An exciting world with no stress and limitless time. Heaven.
And now it's this? I can't make the connection. It's so different... so distant.
Then somewhere along the line, around 9 years of age, it started. Year by year, I noticed a dramatic change. I didn't know it at the time but I was becoming depressed. My brain was just stagnating for 10 years without treatment... that does things to you that even most people with depression don't understand. Especially as a child when 10 years feels like 100.
Now it's 2022 and I hear old stories. I watch old videos. I listen to old songs that I recall from childhood. Right now it's I Can't Wait by Stevie Nicks. When she was up on stage performing that song, and I was drinking milk out of a baby bottle, that was really the same Earth that I'm standing on now? It just feels so different. Like that was a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. An exciting world with no stress and limitless time. Heaven.
And now it's this? I can't make the connection. It's so different... so distant.
26-30, M
