Why don’t you wanna die alone?

I get so tired of doing everything I’m interested in alone. Especially since you need a buddy sometimes. Like I want to go surfing but who’s gonna call 911 if I wipe out and hit my noggin? I want someone to write poetry for. To give to. To love every night into the early morning. Accepting my fate, and my limitations due to only being desirable to users and narcissists, I’m just gonna have to take these risks alone. Sing to the ocean and cry to the moon. I never thought it’d be so painful, aging and becoming a woman I’m proud to be, without anyone to smile at me. My parents are dead, there’s nobody except my son, but he’s young so I am there for him. But nobody is there for me and it’s been a long time. 7+ years since I’ve shared more than a few months with someone without promise. I believe in myself. I love myself. I’m not looking for perfect. My ego is gone. Yet I get no back up. I get nothing.

Okay, done crying about it now. Time to pick up and get on.