Do we know what a connection is when we talk about it?
I see so many people here saying how they want a deep, meaningful connection, myself included. Loneliness is a huge issue these days as social media, the governments and others try to make the world a dichotomy of “Us” and “Them”. We have lost the art of looking inside for answers and being curious about what it is we really want. This thinking also makes it even harder to create connections of any kind.
So I decided to take a moment to look up just what a connection is. What it is comprised of. What is required to achieve one. What types are there and which ones are what people may be looking for. Because, in order to know what I want, I need to know exactly what it is. Otherwise, I may be wanting something, but calling it something completely different than what it is, which could put me off the path.
I looked up the types of connections one can have. Familial, platonic, romantic, business, relational, collective, among others. Some are formed based off just exposure to people, like familial, business, collective, and relational. Some are created out of wanting connections, like platonic and romantic. The truth is, we have connections all over the place. As humans, it is our nature to create them. We are social creatures and we can only survive in healthy ways when we are within communities and connections.
Now that I had the types, I wanted to know the hows.. How do you create connections? What does it take to make them meaningful? What does every connection have that makes it important.
There were a lot of things that said, shared interests, shared goals, similarities in language and ways of speaking, shared life experiences, shared values, things you would expect. But the overwhelming theme that went through each and everyone of these was:
Trust
Trust forms deep connections. When you know that the people you are with are trustworthy, honest and sincere, it creates a bond. The connection becomes strong when you are able to be authentic and vulnerable. The ability to share with mutual openness, free from judgement, is what is the blood that builds the connection.
Can you get that online? Of course, but it takes a lot of time. All connections take a lot of time. Because you can’t simply start with trust. You can start with the concept that you are going to take people at face value unless they start to give you reasons to believe otherwise, and that is a good start at building trust, but online is hard to do. Especially if you have been shown over and over again that people who reach out aren’t really looking for a connection like they say and end up breaking the sense of trust you initially greeted them with.
The other thing to consider is, does that other person understand what a “deep connection” is and what it takes from them to create? Are they aware that it requires them to be trustworthy, honest and sincere? Do they even understand what they mean by wanting a “deep connection”? What does that even mean to them? And if they do know, are they willing to take the time to show the other person that they are willing to provide as much as they are to get that connection? Do they understand that there is a mutuality that must be met to create that connection?
These are the questions we never seem to ask. I have asked what the person means by a deep connection and usually I get the answer, “Someone I can tell anything to.” That’s pretty vague. Are they aware that they need to be the kind of person someone else can tell anything to? You can’t get what you want if you don’t show that you are willing to do the same in a connection. They are two way roads that ask just as much as they give. If all you want to do is take, you aren’t creating a connection.
I’m glad I took the time to look this all up and create some thoughts on it. It helps me know what kind of questions to ask moving forward. It’s okay to want something, but know, the person you are wanting from probably wants the same thing from you.
So I decided to take a moment to look up just what a connection is. What it is comprised of. What is required to achieve one. What types are there and which ones are what people may be looking for. Because, in order to know what I want, I need to know exactly what it is. Otherwise, I may be wanting something, but calling it something completely different than what it is, which could put me off the path.
I looked up the types of connections one can have. Familial, platonic, romantic, business, relational, collective, among others. Some are formed based off just exposure to people, like familial, business, collective, and relational. Some are created out of wanting connections, like platonic and romantic. The truth is, we have connections all over the place. As humans, it is our nature to create them. We are social creatures and we can only survive in healthy ways when we are within communities and connections.
Now that I had the types, I wanted to know the hows.. How do you create connections? What does it take to make them meaningful? What does every connection have that makes it important.
There were a lot of things that said, shared interests, shared goals, similarities in language and ways of speaking, shared life experiences, shared values, things you would expect. But the overwhelming theme that went through each and everyone of these was:
Trust
Trust forms deep connections. When you know that the people you are with are trustworthy, honest and sincere, it creates a bond. The connection becomes strong when you are able to be authentic and vulnerable. The ability to share with mutual openness, free from judgement, is what is the blood that builds the connection.
Can you get that online? Of course, but it takes a lot of time. All connections take a lot of time. Because you can’t simply start with trust. You can start with the concept that you are going to take people at face value unless they start to give you reasons to believe otherwise, and that is a good start at building trust, but online is hard to do. Especially if you have been shown over and over again that people who reach out aren’t really looking for a connection like they say and end up breaking the sense of trust you initially greeted them with.
The other thing to consider is, does that other person understand what a “deep connection” is and what it takes from them to create? Are they aware that it requires them to be trustworthy, honest and sincere? Do they even understand what they mean by wanting a “deep connection”? What does that even mean to them? And if they do know, are they willing to take the time to show the other person that they are willing to provide as much as they are to get that connection? Do they understand that there is a mutuality that must be met to create that connection?
These are the questions we never seem to ask. I have asked what the person means by a deep connection and usually I get the answer, “Someone I can tell anything to.” That’s pretty vague. Are they aware that they need to be the kind of person someone else can tell anything to? You can’t get what you want if you don’t show that you are willing to do the same in a connection. They are two way roads that ask just as much as they give. If all you want to do is take, you aren’t creating a connection.
I’m glad I took the time to look this all up and create some thoughts on it. It helps me know what kind of questions to ask moving forward. It’s okay to want something, but know, the person you are wanting from probably wants the same thing from you.
