3 Days Last Week
You often see a lot of reaction posts with no context. These often get 1 to zero responses, unless you are in the popular crowd, but then, everyone responding already knows behind the scenes what happened.
I’m guilty of posting these reaction posts as well. I’m human and sometimes, you just need to get things out there so they aren’t festering inside you.
So today, I want to give some context to some recent posts. Not just to get it out but to get people to see, despite what *they* might think and do, it is not the majority. If what I have written here strikes a chord with you, just know I’m extremely sorry you had to deal with an asshole who didn’t care about you and wish those people weren’t the way they are.
After I posted my question about affection and attention, I got a message from someone who ages ago I had a very brief exchange with. I had determined then that he was more than likely just looking for sex chat and abruptly stopped the exchange. I have posted and pinned that I am not here for that. If the people can’t read, that isn’t my problem. It’s there.
But he asked me what was the purpose of my asking about affection and attention and my answer was simple. I figured my views on what they were to me, were different than what they were to other people. I was also seeing if men considered those words differently than women. Since only one woman answered (that I’m aware of), the answer that affection and attention are more physically and sexually charged than the definition of those words actually mean. I explained my answer once again that to me, affection is the showing someone you care about them through acts of service, things to let those people know you were on their mind and various other non sexual ways of showing it. That attention was actively listening, asking questions, digging deeper and letting that person know they matter.
He started talking about wanting a stronger connection, and I said I did too. I hear this a million times, so not really expecting the connection to be what I want or need. I asked him why he was lonely. He told me he had been friend-zoned because women would rather have “bad boys” than a good guy like him. At this, I already saw the red flag. There is no such thing as a friend-zone. There is a woman dropping a man because he got creepy, pushy, violated her boundaries, or simply made her uninterested in him. It’s all on him. For him to think otherwise told me volumes. But, I was interested in seeing exactly what brand of guy he was going to be.
He asked if I had Discord, to which I did and we went there to continue.
He immediately wanted to voice chat. Again…I don’t voice chat. I text him and say that is not something I am willing to do. He voice messages again saying that he understands and that it is just easier to determine if I’m AI or not. I did send a voice message at that time letting him know, I’m certainly not AI and I’m not a man either. He seemed satisfied, but was still put out I was just going to text. (For what it’s worth, all of this has taken me about 3 minutes to type, so you can perhaps see why I don’t bother with voice.)
All his voice messages were very decent, respectful and somewhat informative. He only told me about himself in voice. In text, however, he kept pressuring for sexual discussion. I kept telling him that I was not interested in sexual conversation as that was not what I was looking for. His voice messages assured me he wanted more conversation that wasn’t sexual, but all his texts were “what do you fantasize about the most when you are touching yourself?”, “What taboo desires do you have?”. “What would you do to me to fulfill a desire?” and on and on and on. It was literally never ending.
My engagement was mostly just answering the questions I felt were whatever. The rest of my answers were literally, “Maybe one day you will find out.” or even just “lol”, my signal to quit asking me these questions.
Every day, it was the same thing. Voice messages of decent and everyday conversation and text messages that wanted me to tell him about my sexual interests. I responded I wasn’t interested in that and that sex isn’t what makes a connection. This was literally at least 3 - 5 times a day in text conversation. Did he respect my request to move on to something else? For a short while, like, 3 or 4 messages, then right back to the sexual stuff.
Finally, on the third day, I decided to indulge him, and told him what I like the most, or at least what I was willing to tell him. He went off on some BS about how he wants me. He wants to be inside me. He wants to touch me. Blah blah blah.
You know…for men who say they *never* behave this way, I am going to say, I have only had about 5 instances where this doesn’t happen, if not immediately, within the first week or two of talking with them. But usually within the first three days. This guy was out of the gate.
Why did I chat with him for three days? To see how far he was willing to go violating my boundaries, ignoring my wants and needs, and pushing himself and what he wanted on me. Pretty damn far. To the point when I posted about not liking penises, his message to me was, and I quote:
Quit ranting!
Go to sleep!
That was when I blocked him.
Guys…listen…I hear every one of you saying this isn’t you.
Are you sure?
Are you really sure?
Because my disappointment in humanity wasn’t because of this limp dick. It was because 98% of the conversations I have with men who say they want a deep meaningful connection, run exactly like this one. Not listening. Forcing past my boundaries. Being fucking absolutely creepy. Being excessively perverted. And basically telling me they are using me as a vehicle for their jack off material. Nothing in these conversations ever impress upon me than any man is seriously looking for a “deep connection" that doesn’t involve his penis. And yes, I literally don’t want anything to do with a man’s penis. Period. That was the honest truth.
So, men, you can tell me till you are blue in the face that this guy isn’t you, but only 2% have proved that to me. In my world, approximately 8.04 billion people are “that guy”.
If you don’t want women to not even respond to your message, be one of the almost extinct 2% and show them. Until then, you all get lumped in with the 98%.
Also, for those who think I just want everything and to not make consessions, this is why I seem that way. Because I want far more than what 98% of men have shown me.
ETA: what caused the anti penis post was that he asked me if I wanted a dick pick. I said, "No thank you. I'm good." He sent one anyway and immediately apologised for doing so and asked that I not be mad. He blatantly violated consent and then begged me not to be mad. Once consent was blatantly violated, I knew he was garbage.
I’m guilty of posting these reaction posts as well. I’m human and sometimes, you just need to get things out there so they aren’t festering inside you.
So today, I want to give some context to some recent posts. Not just to get it out but to get people to see, despite what *they* might think and do, it is not the majority. If what I have written here strikes a chord with you, just know I’m extremely sorry you had to deal with an asshole who didn’t care about you and wish those people weren’t the way they are.
After I posted my question about affection and attention, I got a message from someone who ages ago I had a very brief exchange with. I had determined then that he was more than likely just looking for sex chat and abruptly stopped the exchange. I have posted and pinned that I am not here for that. If the people can’t read, that isn’t my problem. It’s there.
But he asked me what was the purpose of my asking about affection and attention and my answer was simple. I figured my views on what they were to me, were different than what they were to other people. I was also seeing if men considered those words differently than women. Since only one woman answered (that I’m aware of), the answer that affection and attention are more physically and sexually charged than the definition of those words actually mean. I explained my answer once again that to me, affection is the showing someone you care about them through acts of service, things to let those people know you were on their mind and various other non sexual ways of showing it. That attention was actively listening, asking questions, digging deeper and letting that person know they matter.
He started talking about wanting a stronger connection, and I said I did too. I hear this a million times, so not really expecting the connection to be what I want or need. I asked him why he was lonely. He told me he had been friend-zoned because women would rather have “bad boys” than a good guy like him. At this, I already saw the red flag. There is no such thing as a friend-zone. There is a woman dropping a man because he got creepy, pushy, violated her boundaries, or simply made her uninterested in him. It’s all on him. For him to think otherwise told me volumes. But, I was interested in seeing exactly what brand of guy he was going to be.
He asked if I had Discord, to which I did and we went there to continue.
He immediately wanted to voice chat. Again…I don’t voice chat. I text him and say that is not something I am willing to do. He voice messages again saying that he understands and that it is just easier to determine if I’m AI or not. I did send a voice message at that time letting him know, I’m certainly not AI and I’m not a man either. He seemed satisfied, but was still put out I was just going to text. (For what it’s worth, all of this has taken me about 3 minutes to type, so you can perhaps see why I don’t bother with voice.)
All his voice messages were very decent, respectful and somewhat informative. He only told me about himself in voice. In text, however, he kept pressuring for sexual discussion. I kept telling him that I was not interested in sexual conversation as that was not what I was looking for. His voice messages assured me he wanted more conversation that wasn’t sexual, but all his texts were “what do you fantasize about the most when you are touching yourself?”, “What taboo desires do you have?”. “What would you do to me to fulfill a desire?” and on and on and on. It was literally never ending.
My engagement was mostly just answering the questions I felt were whatever. The rest of my answers were literally, “Maybe one day you will find out.” or even just “lol”, my signal to quit asking me these questions.
Every day, it was the same thing. Voice messages of decent and everyday conversation and text messages that wanted me to tell him about my sexual interests. I responded I wasn’t interested in that and that sex isn’t what makes a connection. This was literally at least 3 - 5 times a day in text conversation. Did he respect my request to move on to something else? For a short while, like, 3 or 4 messages, then right back to the sexual stuff.
Finally, on the third day, I decided to indulge him, and told him what I like the most, or at least what I was willing to tell him. He went off on some BS about how he wants me. He wants to be inside me. He wants to touch me. Blah blah blah.
You know…for men who say they *never* behave this way, I am going to say, I have only had about 5 instances where this doesn’t happen, if not immediately, within the first week or two of talking with them. But usually within the first three days. This guy was out of the gate.
Why did I chat with him for three days? To see how far he was willing to go violating my boundaries, ignoring my wants and needs, and pushing himself and what he wanted on me. Pretty damn far. To the point when I posted about not liking penises, his message to me was, and I quote:
Quit ranting!
Go to sleep!
That was when I blocked him.
Guys…listen…I hear every one of you saying this isn’t you.
Are you sure?
Are you really sure?
Because my disappointment in humanity wasn’t because of this limp dick. It was because 98% of the conversations I have with men who say they want a deep meaningful connection, run exactly like this one. Not listening. Forcing past my boundaries. Being fucking absolutely creepy. Being excessively perverted. And basically telling me they are using me as a vehicle for their jack off material. Nothing in these conversations ever impress upon me than any man is seriously looking for a “deep connection" that doesn’t involve his penis. And yes, I literally don’t want anything to do with a man’s penis. Period. That was the honest truth.
So, men, you can tell me till you are blue in the face that this guy isn’t you, but only 2% have proved that to me. In my world, approximately 8.04 billion people are “that guy”.
If you don’t want women to not even respond to your message, be one of the almost extinct 2% and show them. Until then, you all get lumped in with the 98%.
Also, for those who think I just want everything and to not make consessions, this is why I seem that way. Because I want far more than what 98% of men have shown me.
ETA: what caused the anti penis post was that he asked me if I wanted a dick pick. I said, "No thank you. I'm good." He sent one anyway and immediately apologised for doing so and asked that I not be mad. He blatantly violated consent and then begged me not to be mad. Once consent was blatantly violated, I knew he was garbage.
