I know you have to be kind to myself

I sometimes downplay everything I been through but it is why I am the person I am today. When I’m at my loneliest and depressed I think of how much bullying I went through and the pain I caused myself from dropping out of school because the bullying was so bad everywhere I went.it wasn’t my looks either ,people were cruel to me and now as an adult iv been in so many toxic relationships even friendships and I hate myself for not cutting those ppl off sooner.. i think I a lot of these problems come from my mom being on drugs when she had me . I been to therapy but they say I’m okay but internally I think I have disabilities that I am not aware of i really want to learn self defense and just be a stronger version of myself so no one could make me feel so bad ever