Everything for nothing

I wanted to make a point and make it count: that no matter who I let into my life, I was going to be let down, treated unfairly. So I went as far as visiting someone on my birthday. I let them say what they would. I wanted that to be substantiated by actions that demonstrated the pattern.

I bought my nephew a revolver bong. Not because he cares about me. But because he hasn’t shown cruelty. And I want him to be kind to others, to curate his curiosity, to live fully even if I’m not part of that story.

It’s evident how often dismissal is used towards me, and towards everyone else. I just hope I can break the cycle, in a way.

It doesn’t hurt. I already knew the answer to bringing up what gift they want.

You look for ways to dismiss me. You say I’m the problem.

I gave, and still received nothing not even basic recognition. That’s not manipulation. That’s grief.

I have been grieving. Out in the open, where no one responds.

I walk in the shadows, even if I don’t belong. I speak, and they respond harshly, predictably. But we coexist. Not in harmony, but in pattern.

I make a point. They miss it. And in missing it, they prove it.

Maybe don't put so much effort expecting something in return otherwise you will be bummed out like this… maybe do something nice for yourself instead ☺

People will value you as much as you value yourself.