I Lost My Best Friend
I’ve had a really tough few months, for more reasons than one, and I just feel like I need to write it all down and clear my mind a little bit. I appreciate that my next few posts might be long-reads, so feel free to ignore me and continue with your day.
First of all, I fell out with my “best” friend. This is somebody that I’ve known, practically, since birth. We have pictures together that date back to nursery, before we even started primary-school. There is even a picture of my mum and her mum pregnant together. Anyway, we were barely separable through primary-school and into high-school. We had a joint 16th birthday party, and did the same thing again for our 18th birthday (we were born nine days apart). She started seeing somebody, which I had no problem with at all. We had both had boyfriends before. I had my first boyfriend at 15 and she had her first boyfriend at 16. We had always “played nicely” and been really nice to each-other’s partners. We almost came as a package; if you dated one of us, you were dating the other one of us too. Obviously we weren’t in any sort of “love triangle,” but I think this demonstrates how close of a friendship we had. She started dating somebody towards the back-end of last year. I was in a relationship with somebody already at this point, so I was welcoming of the fact that she had somebody too now. He was a little bit older than her (she was 20, he was 26), but he seemed a really nice person. I was also dating somebody a little bit older than myself, although he was only 24. In March of this year, we all went out on a double-date for drinks and a meal. This quickly turned into a little bit of clubbing, where it became clear that her boyfriend was into me (at least after a few drinks he was, anyway). He was touching my leg and laughing around with me, which I thought nothing of at first. He seemed quite playful with me and I assumed it was the alcohol. At one point, we were left alone at the table and he threw himself all over me. He had his hands on my thighs and was forcing himself upon me. I tried to move myself away from him, but my body was sending out a mix of feelings; I wanted to hit him and leave the club, but my body wanted him to carry on. Rather than specifically wanting him, I think my body would have accepted anybody. My boyfriend had left early and he wasn’t around. I had never been unfaithful before and I did choose to hit him. I didn’t let it go any further than the one kiss. I was at home later that night and I was distraught. I couldn’t find the courage, even with the alcohol consumption, to tell her or my boyfriend about what he had done. The next day, I received a phone-call from her and that was it; our friendship ended, just like that. Her boyfriend had gone home and told her that I was the one to hit on him. I threw myself all over him and asked him to feel my body with his hands (this is the story he told her, anyway). To this day, she is still with her boyfriend and I haven’t made an attempt to contact her since. I think about what happened most days and I re-run the situation over and over inside my head. Was I “asking for it?” Did I say something to him? Was it the way I was dressed? She contacted my boyfriend and told him the same story, which she has every right to believe. She’s deeply in-love with this person and she believes him, which I understand. If I was faced with the same situation, I have no idea who I’d believe. I’d like to think it would be her, but without experiencing it myself, I’ll never know. My boyfriend ended our relationship after hearing her version of events.
That was a really depressing read, so I apologise. This was the first of many things to happen this year, and is one of the reasons why I can’t wait for 2019 to start.
First of all, I fell out with my “best” friend. This is somebody that I’ve known, practically, since birth. We have pictures together that date back to nursery, before we even started primary-school. There is even a picture of my mum and her mum pregnant together. Anyway, we were barely separable through primary-school and into high-school. We had a joint 16th birthday party, and did the same thing again for our 18th birthday (we were born nine days apart). She started seeing somebody, which I had no problem with at all. We had both had boyfriends before. I had my first boyfriend at 15 and she had her first boyfriend at 16. We had always “played nicely” and been really nice to each-other’s partners. We almost came as a package; if you dated one of us, you were dating the other one of us too. Obviously we weren’t in any sort of “love triangle,” but I think this demonstrates how close of a friendship we had. She started dating somebody towards the back-end of last year. I was in a relationship with somebody already at this point, so I was welcoming of the fact that she had somebody too now. He was a little bit older than her (she was 20, he was 26), but he seemed a really nice person. I was also dating somebody a little bit older than myself, although he was only 24. In March of this year, we all went out on a double-date for drinks and a meal. This quickly turned into a little bit of clubbing, where it became clear that her boyfriend was into me (at least after a few drinks he was, anyway). He was touching my leg and laughing around with me, which I thought nothing of at first. He seemed quite playful with me and I assumed it was the alcohol. At one point, we were left alone at the table and he threw himself all over me. He had his hands on my thighs and was forcing himself upon me. I tried to move myself away from him, but my body was sending out a mix of feelings; I wanted to hit him and leave the club, but my body wanted him to carry on. Rather than specifically wanting him, I think my body would have accepted anybody. My boyfriend had left early and he wasn’t around. I had never been unfaithful before and I did choose to hit him. I didn’t let it go any further than the one kiss. I was at home later that night and I was distraught. I couldn’t find the courage, even with the alcohol consumption, to tell her or my boyfriend about what he had done. The next day, I received a phone-call from her and that was it; our friendship ended, just like that. Her boyfriend had gone home and told her that I was the one to hit on him. I threw myself all over him and asked him to feel my body with his hands (this is the story he told her, anyway). To this day, she is still with her boyfriend and I haven’t made an attempt to contact her since. I think about what happened most days and I re-run the situation over and over inside my head. Was I “asking for it?” Did I say something to him? Was it the way I was dressed? She contacted my boyfriend and told him the same story, which she has every right to believe. She’s deeply in-love with this person and she believes him, which I understand. If I was faced with the same situation, I have no idea who I’d believe. I’d like to think it would be her, but without experiencing it myself, I’ll never know. My boyfriend ended our relationship after hearing her version of events.
That was a really depressing read, so I apologise. This was the first of many things to happen this year, and is one of the reasons why I can’t wait for 2019 to start.
