I Lost a Best Friend

its like a trend now that ice lost best friends over my life first class 5th them 8th then 12th we went to long distances and now I can't even say we're friends she said she'll message on Wednesday well I waited and now after 6 years its Saturday at and no message and I didn't text because I know she'd be probably busy with her first sem at college and I just I'll do anything to get her back and everyday before sleeping once I think about her and I just wish she could be here this place now just feels lifeless and when I see her making new friends I think 6 years forgotten in 1 month well that's how the world is I guess it seeks help and when it doesn't want you it leaves you to rot in a corner yeah it hurts when I think that way but I guess its the truth I don't know what to do my midsems are from Monday and I haven't studied because I don't feel like studying I just stay dull all day and I rarely smile and I just communicate with people everyday I talked only with her in front of her I felt open free of social conventions cared for seriously the way she cared I felt like she'll always be there with me and when she used to say we'll be together forever and always I didn't believe at first then I did when we came closer to each other and now she's the one who thought forever ended 1 month ago :p its all a mixed bag of what I feel but I know 1 thing things will not go back to normal they'll just keep getting worse or they'll just be a problem sometime everyday I mean 1 day doesn't go by when I think that what would've been the situations and what would I be doing if she was here and now I'm back in my nutshell pouring my heart out to video games to ease the pain but it doesn't work because once I remove the earphones I realise she's gone everyday I face the pain of realising that she's not here with me anymore and she won't be there at all from now I guess I just hope there will be a day when she comes back and I'll do my best and everything I'll be able to do to keep her happy her happiness was before mine it still is when I see her smile in her photos my tears dry up a little but they are still there and one day I hope she sees how many tears I shed how many times I just lost myself in thoughts to escape this reality how many times I just didn't eat in the whole day because I didn't feel hungry even the food tastes like hell now she brought life to everything I did and now its just lifeless bland and my nutshell is where I really live now I'll not probably get another friend like her who I loved more than anything I just hope 1 day she sees how much I valued her how much I loved her cared about her I never let her cry I tried atleast and the days she used to I used to solve the problems for her even though they weren't mine and now I hope she realises when I told her that she was my heartbeat she truely was my heart and now I feel empty dull depressed sad crying hurt shattered