I Miss My Best Friend

I wish you would understand how much it's hurt me these past few years....as I see you forgetting me more each day, never making an effort to even say hello....I watch as I see you and know that you don't see me, only because you're 'too busy'....too busy huh....I know what that means....I've seen it, I've heard about your 'busy life' from your siblings....I know what you really mean....those that are more important to you.....im sorry I'm not enough, I'm sorry I even try anymore....go ahead, walk right past me without noticing....its fine....im fine....remember the last time I tried? When I told you that everything is worse?....remember that?....and, remember what you told me? 'You need to see a counselor. I don't have the time to make sure you're okay, but I need you to be okay.'....you don't even know how much those words hurt.....trust me, I've tried counseling....it/they never ever work(s).....I've been turned away from counselors, saying they can do nothing more for me...and now you?.....but then I turn around, 2 weeks later, and you're at her house....because she was having a 'really rough week'....you know what? You passed me in the empty hall on the way to see her, and you never looked up....I stopped, I waited, I watched....but you just kept your fingers on your phone, texting her, probably.....you once told me I was your best friend, that you and she fought often, and therefore, you and I were closer friends than the two of you.....i bet you've told that to her, I bet you just tried saying those words because you didn't know what else to say....and once I realized those words meant nothing, my heart was shredded.....if only you cared now....if only you 'had time'....remember how many times I've asked if you're free for maybe 20 minutes between classes or before you leave?....and you told me 'no, I'm booked. Maybe in a few months.'...months?!....those words wreck havoc on my mind.....you'll never have the time....i don't know why I try anymore....I don't know why I care.....I don't know.....