Am I the only one who needs and wants to make friends, but at the same time, wants to stay home alone?

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I want to skip the awkward stage of making the friend, and fast-forward to actually being friends, calling them up to go do such and such with, sharing about life etc...

I started a meetup group in real life, and we are going to a play soon. I don't want to go .
Then one of the girls suggested we meet up before-hand to have lunch, again, I don't want to go, because I have fun things I can do alone, Netflix, read, play sims etc.

But I need friends and hate when there is something cool that I want to do and have no one.
I want friends, not acquaintances but you can't make a friend without getting to know them..
ugh, am I crazy?

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EmilyEdith · 56-60, F

You are not. I did busy mom and wife for a lot of years and just put a social life on hold, now I'm single and empty nested, and alone way too much. My problem is I don't want to sit down and tell a complete stranger my life story UGGH. That sounds exhausting and boring. I do not remember where to start with people. So I generally never do.
I have no advice because I continue to stink at this, but people tell me to just keep doing what I like to do, that's where the people that I will like will be.

Just wanted you to know you're not alone, I think making New friends as an adult is hard for a lot of us🌻

iamnikki · 31-35, F

@EmilyEdith Thank you. You didn't make friends with any of your kids moms? I fell like it's easier for moms to bond since they have kids in common. Everyone around me seems to have kids and bond over that. All i can talk about is my neices and nephew

ThePerfectUsername · 70-79, M

I've no idea how you feel about becoming a parent yourself one day but I'm sure there's plenty of mothers who'd welcome the chance to tell you all about it. There must be at least a dozen in my family alone. :-) @iamnikki

EmilyEdith · 56-60, F

@iamnikki I was friendly with the kids moms, but I kind of hid behind the mom thing and didn't go out and do things with them when I probably should have. Like you, I am hardwired to enjoy my own company, I usually don't mind being alone. But that's because eventually, someone always came home and needed me again. I stay pretty busy, still like to be alone, but I sorely miss having people in my life.

I do.😔

iamnikki · 31-35, F

@EmilyEdith that's understandable. I have to war with myself each time a member of my own darn groups asks to do something..

EmilyEdith · 56-60, F

@iamnikki your intentions are so good🌸🌸🌸
When you do go to these events, once you get there do you enjoy yourself?
Please don't kick yourself for being who you are. If you enjoy time by yourself you should have that. You just need enough people so you can choose whether to go out or be alone I think.

iamnikki · 31-35, F

@EmilyEdith I didn't really enjoy myself today. The play we went to was boring, didn't even have props, just 2 people talking.. Then we went to lunch. It was 4 including me. There was lots of silence. I'm not the type who is able to easily keep a conversation going, especially when there are others there who end up changing the topic when I actually do have something to say.

EmilyEdith · 56-60, F

@iamnikki
GROSS!
🗡️👺🕷️💉🤢🔫

To me that sounds like a horrible, awkward, terrible afternoon! LOL I commend you so much for putting yourself out there.
The fact that you sat through a play that you wouldn't normally see and then a lunch date that you thought boring says to me there were no friends for you there. Some in your group may have enjoyed themselves, but it was clearly not your thing.

I can't be everybody's mom, 🙃 but I am still worried you are trying to make new friends because you think you should, not because you really want to. The meet-up thing sounds like a lot of pressure added to the stress over this that's already there. I think it's okay to be independent until you come across somebody with enough common ground to pursue a friendship with. Maybe they are already hidden in your life somewhere.
🤔

ThePerfectUsername · 70-79, M

I consider that a win Nikki. You did what you set out to do under pretty trying circumstances and you still arrived back sane enough to tell us about it I don't really see any way in which you failed. 🤗 @iamnikki

EmilyEdith · 56-60, F

@ThePerfectUsername Agreed. Pleasant company under stressful circumstances is a lost art. I'm so impressed she went out and did it. 🌻

iamnikki · 31-35, F

@EmilyEdith No , I do want friends. I haven't had friends in years. Nope, nobody hidden in my life. And I am contemplating letting the group go. Someone else can take it own..

ThePerfectUsername · 70-79, M

Relax sweetheart, nobody here is doubting you. I only have one true friend and he's the best part of 40 years younger than me so I do understand how hard it is to find even one. Something that struck me though is that maybe the formality and worry associated with running the group might just be contributing to your stress levels and worries about the outcome when you arrange an outing. If that's the case then yeah, maybe handing over to someone else and just being an ordinary member might be just what you need. @iamnikki

iamnikki · 31-35, F

@ThePerfectUsername Yea, I think that's what it is. Only reason I started it is because no groups were doing anything in my area.

ThePerfectUsername · 70-79, M

*nods* Do you have any pastimes that're supported by groups where you live? Maybe if the focus wasn't so much on friendships as on things you simply enjoy doing the pressure wouldn't be so intense. @iamnikki

iamnikki · 31-35, F

@ThePerfectUsername There isn't anything to do here. I've tried before, its usually people twice my age doing things.