How do you handle being friends with someone who has "worse" problems than you?

@Looking I agree about still being their friend (depending). But when the friend does have worse shit going on how can there be validation of the 'lesser' shit one may have?

@Phire1 Just because a problem is smaller it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t upset you, or that you don’t have something to deal with. It means you’re comparatively lucky, but it doesn’t make your problems magically disappear, or mean nothing.

@Looking I've talked with this person about quite a bit but no matter what, when it comes down to it, my shit will never be as important as needing a heart transplant, enduring military service, etc...

@Phire1 If you just talk about their problems that kind of means you’re more their counsellor than a friend. Have you considered mentioning this to them?

@Looking No, it's not exactly like that. We have talked about so much. We have been friends to each other no matter what. But I keep finding that they eventually discard or invalidate my problems because theirs are worse...

@Phire1 I’ve noticed that, generally at least, people who have been through a lot can be either really empathetic towards other people’s suffering, or, conversely, quite indifferent.

@Looking Maybe I just should not have confided in them about so much being their situation. However, they were open to it...

@Phire1 It’s hard to judge without knowing all the details. I have serious problems, but since my friend had their cancer diagnosis I have hardly spoken to them about my own issues. I think it would have been unfair to burden them with my issues, but I don’t feel as close to them as I once did because I can’t be as open with them.

I also have a friend who knows I’ve got serious problems and she still talks about her boyfriend problems with me. I wouldn’t mind, but it’s the same problems over and over (for about two years!), she talks about them for hours on end, even when I try and change the subject, and she never follows my advice. Our conversations seem pointless and banal. That friendship I am ‘re-evaluating’.

I guess I think you still need to talk about your life and your problems to keep the friendship going, but you need be a bit sensitive to how they’re doing.

@Looking Well, my life and whatever goes on in it doesn't stop and doesn't disappear just because...

@Phire1 No, it’s a balancing act and it takes two to make a friendship.

@Looking It had been going fine for a long time until they (and one other) started making certain comments about certain things I'd share or post...

@Phire1 I guess you don’t want to go into details, so it’s hard to comment. Are you posting things about your problems on Facebook and they’re criticising you for that, or something?

@Looking First, they post about their issues on Facebook. I 90-95% of the time post things I find funny, or an article, or artwork, or music. We have chatted in private for about 3-4 years about many different topics - personal stuff is one of those topics. But, they tended to make comments that seemed insensitive at times... and like it's a competition (for lack of a better way to say it)