Sometimes I hate my own brain.
Even the tiniest thing a late reply, a different tone, even just a small inconvenience and suddenly I’m convinced that the people I care about, my friends, don’t like me anymore. I spiral, I overthink, I ask for reassurance again and again. Not because I don’t trust them, but because the fear of losing them feels unbearable.
And the worst part? The very fear that I have is what makes me push them away. I act clingy, awkward, or overbearing, and then I feel guilty.
And it becomes this endless cycle:
scared of losing people then acting in ways that might actually push them away then scared of losing them even more.
I don’t want to be this person. I want to trust. I want to believe people like me. I want to stop letting my fear take over. But some days, it’s just so damn hard.
I guess all I can do is try. And I hope the people I care about can see past my fear and know it comes from a place of love. I’m sorry if my anxiety or neediness has ever made you feel distant from me. I never want my fear to hurt the people I care about most. 😔
And the worst part? The very fear that I have is what makes me push them away. I act clingy, awkward, or overbearing, and then I feel guilty.
And it becomes this endless cycle:
scared of losing people then acting in ways that might actually push them away then scared of losing them even more.
I don’t want to be this person. I want to trust. I want to believe people like me. I want to stop letting my fear take over. But some days, it’s just so damn hard.
I guess all I can do is try. And I hope the people I care about can see past my fear and know it comes from a place of love. I’m sorry if my anxiety or neediness has ever made you feel distant from me. I never want my fear to hurt the people I care about most. 😔
