Any kind of real friend
This is a continuation of my thoughts regarding what I’ve realized about my gatekeeping of information.
If I was any kind of real friend, I’d say something. I was so bothered before that the only person who I feel I can speak freely with is my best friend. Honestly, that’s my own fault. I should just speak freely with everyone the way I do with her, and if I lose people, then I lose people. At least the ones who stayed would add to those I’m able to speak freely with and who can speak freely with me. The friendship would be based on truth.
Say something? But what they’re doing doesn’t take anything from me—
“Is it taking something from them? Does it hurt them?”
Oh. I didn’t think about that part. Because I only think of my own survival and odds. I’m no kind of real friend.
The example that might be best would be the subject of drinking (even though what I’m saying applies to so much more than that). I stopped drinking alcohol. It was hurting me. I don’t expect everyone else to stop. Their drinking doesn’t hurt me. It’s not even hurting all of them. I know so many people who enjoy their drinks, and are healthy overall. But I also know someone who’s clearly unable to handle alcohol. Her health is plummeting, and alcohol is making it worse the way it did to me. I’ve said nothing.
Is it my business? No.
Actually, yes. If that’s my friend, it’s my responsibility to say I think she needs to evaluate how alcohol is harming her. If she doesn’t want to hear it, that’s okay. But as any kind of real friend, it’s on me to say something. That’s just one example. Another would be that I say nothing when my sister is living a lie. It will hurt her in the long run.
I need a lot more courage and compassion in order to start speaking freely with people I say I love. It’s not love to dismiss everything they do as their own business. I appreciate my best friend for speaking freely with me enough to say when she thinks I’m in the wrong. Who’s to say others wouldn’t also appreciate it the way I have? I have to stop deciding that “they’ve made their choices in life and it’s not for me to say anything.”
Bracing myself for loss of whoever is left in my life, but in some of these instances, the loss could someday be due to their early deaths.
If I was any kind of real friend, I’d say something. I was so bothered before that the only person who I feel I can speak freely with is my best friend. Honestly, that’s my own fault. I should just speak freely with everyone the way I do with her, and if I lose people, then I lose people. At least the ones who stayed would add to those I’m able to speak freely with and who can speak freely with me. The friendship would be based on truth.
Say something? But what they’re doing doesn’t take anything from me—
“Is it taking something from them? Does it hurt them?”
Oh. I didn’t think about that part. Because I only think of my own survival and odds. I’m no kind of real friend.
The example that might be best would be the subject of drinking (even though what I’m saying applies to so much more than that). I stopped drinking alcohol. It was hurting me. I don’t expect everyone else to stop. Their drinking doesn’t hurt me. It’s not even hurting all of them. I know so many people who enjoy their drinks, and are healthy overall. But I also know someone who’s clearly unable to handle alcohol. Her health is plummeting, and alcohol is making it worse the way it did to me. I’ve said nothing.
Is it my business? No.
Actually, yes. If that’s my friend, it’s my responsibility to say I think she needs to evaluate how alcohol is harming her. If she doesn’t want to hear it, that’s okay. But as any kind of real friend, it’s on me to say something. That’s just one example. Another would be that I say nothing when my sister is living a lie. It will hurt her in the long run.
I need a lot more courage and compassion in order to start speaking freely with people I say I love. It’s not love to dismiss everything they do as their own business. I appreciate my best friend for speaking freely with me enough to say when she thinks I’m in the wrong. Who’s to say others wouldn’t also appreciate it the way I have? I have to stop deciding that “they’ve made their choices in life and it’s not for me to say anything.”
Bracing myself for loss of whoever is left in my life, but in some of these instances, the loss could someday be due to their early deaths.
36-40
