The omega word for at least 3 days
3 days seems to be how long i can keep off of SW, but i will keep trying to make it longer, but just to be up front with the band of outlaw warriors here, i plan to if doing anything here it will be just posting my own things, that kind of active anti-sociality used to bother me, but it can also be seen as merely the only way.
I enjoy being this way, of being wrong in the human record books, of all sorts, of using materials the wrong way, of using them in a novel and personal based way.
Now what do i mean by personal? Well it's a method of going about things that is studiously but also chaotically adhering to stuff that is constantly saying how the wrong ways are, and seeing almost all those wrong ways as my ways, and getting a kick out of it.
My example here if you haven't seen my previous post is about Reformed theology, and so let me now offer some further immature thoughts upon it.
As i read this material, i always see how i'd not feel comfortable talking like that myself, but for cheap thrills i like to compare it with what passes for popular Christianity, and it's important to note that the best sources warn against my proclivity here, that of looking down on what is current and popular, but it is well founded when one is considering it just from a doctrinal standpoint.
And let me also say here that it is not as a believer that these interests for me present themselves as such verdant foliage of contemplation, it is to me a mystery why i need to be drowning my thoughts with this material.
There's reasons like i came up before, but there are no significant reasons i can verbalize at this time, but maybe after months of concerted concentration upon the 100 or so works at a time will afford me the ability to come back here in sunny April 2026 to say definitively the all so important: "How so?"
Till then i feel about as in the dark, the light in this scenario would be a supernatural revelation like Paul on the Damascus road, unlikely to happen, but i've been fooled before and made embarrassing confessions and statements that only fall flat and are untrue, and you get to live with the idea that one is a hypocrite for even trying, and the Calvinistic inside joke is that you don't try for the basics, you are overcome and proceed with nebulous sentiments based on promises and oaths made in long ago times, there's supposed to be a sudden awareness at some point where it's no longer you piloting your life, you're just a sentimental puppet then, doing all these selfless things with a big ole smile slapped on your face, and god help you if your teeth aren't as shiny and white as Joel Osteen.
Not to make excuses but i do get a glimpse of what it's like, and as i read and feel like i'm hypnotized and going through deeper and deeper levels of balderdash that there's such a sublime vibe, that's the most real it can get for me, to feel that going deeper feeling that is like being drugged and falling down an endless pit of delight, very slowly and smoothly, and the author is working the bible verses like Chopin works the piano notes, charming the lovin' daylights out of you, so it's so dark the stars shine so brightly.
There is nothing to believe in but the things others believe in, and i use this material as say a lover of horror would only watch the primo stuff, and in editions you go bankrupt collecting, because there's a special kind of emptiness and hollowness in such an enterprise, you already know there's nothing to get too worked up about, the highest imo Taoism isn't the kind of thing to brandish like a shiny toy in the halls of the mind, but Reformed Theology for me is that kind of toy.
The joys of dryness, in fact the dry becoming juicy, the expectation of providing a ridiculously detailed course to know it all inside out, but since the practical side of it isn't for real made a part of my living, it's just a thought toy that within strict boundaries still present with enough confabulation, a spectacularly colorful mandala that can cause vertigo even while sitting in a chair not too far off the ground.
I fail at trying to say things here the way i want to, and as long as i am untethered for real to anything, it's fine, fine to me that is, for those subscribed seriously with an absolute idea of right and wrong, as i've said above, wrong will always be my side, my home team, the norm, the default, the side that in my own little fantasy of yawns is ever so much more gratifying that living in a dynamic where unseen threats are always molesting the believer as the believer is following the guidelines and getting stiffer opposition the more genuine they are.
Ahh but these are just idle thoughts i need to vomit up so that there can be more room for my tea time extravaganzas with theologians past and present.
I enjoy being this way, of being wrong in the human record books, of all sorts, of using materials the wrong way, of using them in a novel and personal based way.
Now what do i mean by personal? Well it's a method of going about things that is studiously but also chaotically adhering to stuff that is constantly saying how the wrong ways are, and seeing almost all those wrong ways as my ways, and getting a kick out of it.
My example here if you haven't seen my previous post is about Reformed theology, and so let me now offer some further immature thoughts upon it.
As i read this material, i always see how i'd not feel comfortable talking like that myself, but for cheap thrills i like to compare it with what passes for popular Christianity, and it's important to note that the best sources warn against my proclivity here, that of looking down on what is current and popular, but it is well founded when one is considering it just from a doctrinal standpoint.
And let me also say here that it is not as a believer that these interests for me present themselves as such verdant foliage of contemplation, it is to me a mystery why i need to be drowning my thoughts with this material.
There's reasons like i came up before, but there are no significant reasons i can verbalize at this time, but maybe after months of concerted concentration upon the 100 or so works at a time will afford me the ability to come back here in sunny April 2026 to say definitively the all so important: "How so?"
Till then i feel about as in the dark, the light in this scenario would be a supernatural revelation like Paul on the Damascus road, unlikely to happen, but i've been fooled before and made embarrassing confessions and statements that only fall flat and are untrue, and you get to live with the idea that one is a hypocrite for even trying, and the Calvinistic inside joke is that you don't try for the basics, you are overcome and proceed with nebulous sentiments based on promises and oaths made in long ago times, there's supposed to be a sudden awareness at some point where it's no longer you piloting your life, you're just a sentimental puppet then, doing all these selfless things with a big ole smile slapped on your face, and god help you if your teeth aren't as shiny and white as Joel Osteen.
Not to make excuses but i do get a glimpse of what it's like, and as i read and feel like i'm hypnotized and going through deeper and deeper levels of balderdash that there's such a sublime vibe, that's the most real it can get for me, to feel that going deeper feeling that is like being drugged and falling down an endless pit of delight, very slowly and smoothly, and the author is working the bible verses like Chopin works the piano notes, charming the lovin' daylights out of you, so it's so dark the stars shine so brightly.
There is nothing to believe in but the things others believe in, and i use this material as say a lover of horror would only watch the primo stuff, and in editions you go bankrupt collecting, because there's a special kind of emptiness and hollowness in such an enterprise, you already know there's nothing to get too worked up about, the highest imo Taoism isn't the kind of thing to brandish like a shiny toy in the halls of the mind, but Reformed Theology for me is that kind of toy.
The joys of dryness, in fact the dry becoming juicy, the expectation of providing a ridiculously detailed course to know it all inside out, but since the practical side of it isn't for real made a part of my living, it's just a thought toy that within strict boundaries still present with enough confabulation, a spectacularly colorful mandala that can cause vertigo even while sitting in a chair not too far off the ground.
I fail at trying to say things here the way i want to, and as long as i am untethered for real to anything, it's fine, fine to me that is, for those subscribed seriously with an absolute idea of right and wrong, as i've said above, wrong will always be my side, my home team, the norm, the default, the side that in my own little fantasy of yawns is ever so much more gratifying that living in a dynamic where unseen threats are always molesting the believer as the believer is following the guidelines and getting stiffer opposition the more genuine they are.
Ahh but these are just idle thoughts i need to vomit up so that there can be more room for my tea time extravaganzas with theologians past and present.
46-50, M
