Good morning.. A little cloudy heart..
Couldn't sleep well last night. I was in between awake and asleep, mosquitoes, turning around..
I'm tired. I fed the street cats and I got back in bed, not even made a coffee yet...
Partially I blame it to yesterday's food, I ordered something that my stomach didn't agree with.
And also, my dad has been in the hospital and out, he has heart issues. He smokes and drinks and doesn't move much. I hope this visit will shake him, but I don't place much hope there either. Let him make his own choices, I'm done trying to advocate, he's not appreciative.
I cancelled to a couple of friends and one didn't take it with grace, she's at 72 years of age and so I always need to be understanding and truly I'm tired.
The other friend is avoidant and depressed and again it takes energy, if I'm in my good moods then it's great to hang out with her, but now it feels she's going to drag me furthermore.
I made plans with my sister but truly I'm too much communicating with her and she's really not have done the work I have done and so many days she's loud and depressed and demanding and again, I can't cope with it.
I don't know how or what but this last period I have attracted more darkness around than what I can handle and I'm feeling like my light is flickering. They say the outside reflects the inside and I'm taking a pause here and a breathe.
I was met briefly with my mother yesterday too, she has banned me from entering her house for a while now, perhaps it's been more than a couple of months, as a priest adviced her to not allow me in the house, practising the things I practice, my meditation and qigong, since they're inviting devilish spirits according to them. I had to return some items to her and our small interaction outside her door felt bitter.
I am strong nowadays but somehow I have allowed too much dark near me and I am not as strong of a pillar as I want to imagine myself being. I need a little break from these.
So yeah, sry for this trauma dump here, it's all I'm receiving lately and truly I'm trying my best.
I'm standing up - going to make coffee... Life is life, lala la lala...:)..
I'm tired. I fed the street cats and I got back in bed, not even made a coffee yet...
Partially I blame it to yesterday's food, I ordered something that my stomach didn't agree with.
And also, my dad has been in the hospital and out, he has heart issues. He smokes and drinks and doesn't move much. I hope this visit will shake him, but I don't place much hope there either. Let him make his own choices, I'm done trying to advocate, he's not appreciative.
I cancelled to a couple of friends and one didn't take it with grace, she's at 72 years of age and so I always need to be understanding and truly I'm tired.
The other friend is avoidant and depressed and again it takes energy, if I'm in my good moods then it's great to hang out with her, but now it feels she's going to drag me furthermore.
I made plans with my sister but truly I'm too much communicating with her and she's really not have done the work I have done and so many days she's loud and depressed and demanding and again, I can't cope with it.
I don't know how or what but this last period I have attracted more darkness around than what I can handle and I'm feeling like my light is flickering. They say the outside reflects the inside and I'm taking a pause here and a breathe.
I was met briefly with my mother yesterday too, she has banned me from entering her house for a while now, perhaps it's been more than a couple of months, as a priest adviced her to not allow me in the house, practising the things I practice, my meditation and qigong, since they're inviting devilish spirits according to them. I had to return some items to her and our small interaction outside her door felt bitter.
I am strong nowadays but somehow I have allowed too much dark near me and I am not as strong of a pillar as I want to imagine myself being. I need a little break from these.
So yeah, sry for this trauma dump here, it's all I'm receiving lately and truly I'm trying my best.
I'm standing up - going to make coffee... Life is life, lala la lala...:)..
