He abuses me, but yet I love him so much what's wrong with me?
I can't seem to let him go.
26-30, F
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Mamapolo2016 · F
This is not the result of a scientific study, it's my own observations and experience.
First, the abuser does not hit, kick, slap, punch, shove, pull hair, rape, hurt 24/7.
Often, when they're not doing the above, they are affectionate, kind, thoughtful, attentive and romantic (most especially after an abusive episode).
It's a form of brain-washing - the victim so often hears "I have to punish you because you did x bad thing." Maybe the victim did, maybe they didn't, but they can be convinced it WAS their fault entirely there was a fingerprint on the bathroom mirror or a wrinkle in the comforter on the bed.
It is not possible to stay entirely sane when, if the abuser catches sight of you giving a strange man directions outside the grocery store, when you arrive home, you get knocked across the room and the abuser screams "Whore!"
at you. You try understand why he is angry and what you can do to stop making him angry.
You focus on the things you know he hates. You start checking the house before he's due home from work, for fingerprints and wrinkles and lurking dust bunnies. You worry about those things a lot, and it absorbs a lot of your time.
Fact is, he does't hurt you for any reason but one - he likes to. He likes it that you worry constantly about things that might make him mad, so HE is always on your mind. You may as well not worry, though, because there will always be a new explanation, although the basic reason doesn't change.
He likes to hurt you. He loves it.
Get used to it or get out.
First, the abuser does not hit, kick, slap, punch, shove, pull hair, rape, hurt 24/7.
Often, when they're not doing the above, they are affectionate, kind, thoughtful, attentive and romantic (most especially after an abusive episode).
It's a form of brain-washing - the victim so often hears "I have to punish you because you did x bad thing." Maybe the victim did, maybe they didn't, but they can be convinced it WAS their fault entirely there was a fingerprint on the bathroom mirror or a wrinkle in the comforter on the bed.
It is not possible to stay entirely sane when, if the abuser catches sight of you giving a strange man directions outside the grocery store, when you arrive home, you get knocked across the room and the abuser screams "Whore!"
at you. You try understand why he is angry and what you can do to stop making him angry.
You focus on the things you know he hates. You start checking the house before he's due home from work, for fingerprints and wrinkles and lurking dust bunnies. You worry about those things a lot, and it absorbs a lot of your time.
Fact is, he does't hurt you for any reason but one - he likes to. He likes it that you worry constantly about things that might make him mad, so HE is always on your mind. You may as well not worry, though, because there will always be a new explanation, although the basic reason doesn't change.
He likes to hurt you. He loves it.
Get used to it or get out.