A Brief Dissertation on Money
I know as close to zero about money as one can know and still survive.
But I know this. Giving money to people when I had it and they didn’t was always my reflex. Rent, groceries, cars, the list is almost endless. Family, friends, neighbors.
That is still my reflex, although my circumstances are far less well-financed.
That makes people think you’re stupid. They don’t think that because you are stupid. They think that because they have misrepresented what the money you gave them was for, and you bought their story. Literally.
I first learned this 40 years ago when my sister-in-law called me, desperate. They couldn’t pay their rent. She was 8 months pregnant. If we didn’t give them $500 they’d be on the street with a new baby and nothing. Oh, and please don’t mention it to her husband, my husband’s brother? He’d be so ashamed.
Our answer was that no, we wouldn’t lend money in secret. We would tell Herk. She struggled to accept that. “Why do you have to be so goody two shoes? You think you’re better than me.
I said, no, I don’t. I think I have $500 you say you don’t have but need.
Herk reluctantly accepted the money. She took care of the bills, and she said they needed it.
Two days later they stopped by. She wanted to show me a few things. Those things included an upscale diaper bag…for the baby. Four new maternity outfits when the baby was due in three weeks. And a large decorative screen for their living room to create a better ambiance for their home. That alone was $175. I have no idea if any of the $500 was applied to the rent.
A few years later, my own sister, living a troubled life with her two children staying with family members close to full-time, moved in with a man thirty years her senior. He gave her a generous monthly allowance. He had a pool. He liked it when she threw parties and he paid for them. What he wanted in return was love and respect.!He got neither.
What he got was $5,000 of his money stolen, and my sister, standing in his yard telling him he was a repulsive idiot. She actually told him, “You’ve known me for 15 years. You know who I am. Don’t expect a penny back.”
He allowed her to stay another month. Because he cared about her.
Giving freely causes those who receive freely to despise you. You are a wallet to them.
But I know this. Giving money to people when I had it and they didn’t was always my reflex. Rent, groceries, cars, the list is almost endless. Family, friends, neighbors.
That is still my reflex, although my circumstances are far less well-financed.
That makes people think you’re stupid. They don’t think that because you are stupid. They think that because they have misrepresented what the money you gave them was for, and you bought their story. Literally.
I first learned this 40 years ago when my sister-in-law called me, desperate. They couldn’t pay their rent. She was 8 months pregnant. If we didn’t give them $500 they’d be on the street with a new baby and nothing. Oh, and please don’t mention it to her husband, my husband’s brother? He’d be so ashamed.
Our answer was that no, we wouldn’t lend money in secret. We would tell Herk. She struggled to accept that. “Why do you have to be so goody two shoes? You think you’re better than me.
I said, no, I don’t. I think I have $500 you say you don’t have but need.
Herk reluctantly accepted the money. She took care of the bills, and she said they needed it.
Two days later they stopped by. She wanted to show me a few things. Those things included an upscale diaper bag…for the baby. Four new maternity outfits when the baby was due in three weeks. And a large decorative screen for their living room to create a better ambiance for their home. That alone was $175. I have no idea if any of the $500 was applied to the rent.
A few years later, my own sister, living a troubled life with her two children staying with family members close to full-time, moved in with a man thirty years her senior. He gave her a generous monthly allowance. He had a pool. He liked it when she threw parties and he paid for them. What he wanted in return was love and respect.!He got neither.
What he got was $5,000 of his money stolen, and my sister, standing in his yard telling him he was a repulsive idiot. She actually told him, “You’ve known me for 15 years. You know who I am. Don’t expect a penny back.”
He allowed her to stay another month. Because he cared about her.
Giving freely causes those who receive freely to despise you. You are a wallet to them.
