Should I be smart about it (atleast for once in my life) or be honest with myself ?
I have this coworker who has fallen for me, says he can't move on. All this bullshit is going on from the past 2.5 years. He is just a friend right now, I haven't said Yes because I asked him to give me sometime to decide.
He wasn't an ideal friend, treated me more like an acquaintance instead of his "best friend", did a few phony things in the 2.5 years together, was a backstabber, expected me to do things for others without expecting anything in return / does not allow me to give and take, is not fair minded, made my life miserable at work, went about damaging my reputation at work infront of the Management not just Associates. I can't apply for an Executive position now because of this. Keeps pushing my boundaries for his own selfish emotional needs, forcing me to enjoy the same activities as him knowing fully well I don't enjoy him and if I don't play along he manipulates to get what he wants, gets offended and complains to the Management, has double standards, is petty (offended because I don't look at him when I walk around in the office building), lacks self awareness, is dominating, CANNOT take no for an answer, will be very offended for the very same things that he does, etc.
Now these are definitely red flags but not deal breaker type. He has never physically or sexually abused me, not even a slap. If I want I can adjust, I can choose to turn a blind eye to his "petty flaws". Why would I choose to adjust / put up with it ?
I come from a poor family. I realised quite late in life, technically I am not even middle class. This is poor !! My parents could not afford kids, still had them and I have been miserable for years now because of financial problems !!! In the past 23-25 years of my misery there have been times when we (my family) didn't even have money to go to the hospital no matter how much in pain we were, we used medicines that were at home to try and fix the issues, there were atleast 2-3 times so far we were asked to vacate the rented property because we couldn't afford to pay the rent for almost 6 months out of 11 (11 months agreement) or even when we paid, we paid late, we had no where to go, stayed in mom's female friend's house, no money for further education, cheap unhealthy food on the table and a rented roof over our head is not good enough. No money for my brother and me to get married and my mom couldn't remarry because again, no money. Father never provided a single $ alimony, no money for a home down payment, etc. Why am I telling you'll all this ?? No, I don't want sympathy. I am trying to provide context, I want you to understand where I am coming from before calling me a "gold digger".
Wanting a rich man makes a woman a gold digger, wanting a financially stable man does not. This guy is financially quite secure. He claims to "love" me. I have been so miserable over the years I feel very dead inside. Should I be smart in life atleast once and accept his proposal so that I get a stable future or pay heed to the red flags and move on ?
He wasn't an ideal friend, treated me more like an acquaintance instead of his "best friend", did a few phony things in the 2.5 years together, was a backstabber, expected me to do things for others without expecting anything in return / does not allow me to give and take, is not fair minded, made my life miserable at work, went about damaging my reputation at work infront of the Management not just Associates. I can't apply for an Executive position now because of this. Keeps pushing my boundaries for his own selfish emotional needs, forcing me to enjoy the same activities as him knowing fully well I don't enjoy him and if I don't play along he manipulates to get what he wants, gets offended and complains to the Management, has double standards, is petty (offended because I don't look at him when I walk around in the office building), lacks self awareness, is dominating, CANNOT take no for an answer, will be very offended for the very same things that he does, etc.
Now these are definitely red flags but not deal breaker type. He has never physically or sexually abused me, not even a slap. If I want I can adjust, I can choose to turn a blind eye to his "petty flaws". Why would I choose to adjust / put up with it ?
I come from a poor family. I realised quite late in life, technically I am not even middle class. This is poor !! My parents could not afford kids, still had them and I have been miserable for years now because of financial problems !!! In the past 23-25 years of my misery there have been times when we (my family) didn't even have money to go to the hospital no matter how much in pain we were, we used medicines that were at home to try and fix the issues, there were atleast 2-3 times so far we were asked to vacate the rented property because we couldn't afford to pay the rent for almost 6 months out of 11 (11 months agreement) or even when we paid, we paid late, we had no where to go, stayed in mom's female friend's house, no money for further education, cheap unhealthy food on the table and a rented roof over our head is not good enough. No money for my brother and me to get married and my mom couldn't remarry because again, no money. Father never provided a single $ alimony, no money for a home down payment, etc. Why am I telling you'll all this ?? No, I don't want sympathy. I am trying to provide context, I want you to understand where I am coming from before calling me a "gold digger".
Wanting a rich man makes a woman a gold digger, wanting a financially stable man does not. This guy is financially quite secure. He claims to "love" me. I have been so miserable over the years I feel very dead inside. Should I be smart in life atleast once and accept his proposal so that I get a stable future or pay heed to the red flags and move on ?
