I Hate Not Having Financial Freedom
Have you ever felt like you're on the verge of giving up, but you literally can't give up because you can't afford to?
As someone who strongly identifies as an introvert, working two jobs is going to be the death of me...the "slow death" apparently.
They say that introverts tend to feel drained after socializing and regain their energy by spending time alone...
But from morning - late afternoon I am at the office, and then afternoon to evening I am working retail. Both are part time, of course. But it makes for
a long, long day and week, especially for someone who doesn't particularly like dealing with people. Struggling with insomnia, I am left with one day only - Sunday - to sleep in, do the wash, and prepare to jump right
back into another long, dreaded week.
Yes, this post is 100% a pity party.
Dealing with customers and people all day long is not the way I thought I'd be spending 88% of my time in my mid twenties.
I envisioned myself working one steady, decent paying job that allowed for a vacation maybe once, twice a year and plenty of patio-dinner evenings and
events on weekends. I am not married and have no kids, so I feel like that is a reasonable expectation.But I haven't been able to find one good job to replace the two mediocre ones. All I know is that the job I worked at prior to this "situation" paid me more in one single paycheck then me busting my ass right now with two paychecks. Which makes it hard to justify working more hours with less pay. But hey - what can you do when you're stuck?!
On the occasion that I do have an evening off, I am too tired to do the things that I WANT to do with people I WANT to be with because I need to be alone and rest to regain my energy.
Why am I busting my ass? CREDIT CARD DEBT.
As much as I didn't expect to be in this exact predicament in my mid twenties, I also didn't expect that I would've gone through something so difficult
in my early twenties, that it would cause me to resort to a spending addiction. Sometimes you never know what damage you're capable of doing.
Let's just say that life smacked me in the face hard, and I looked around to see what crutch I could use to get me through my days.
I justified buying anything I wanted because I was unhappy and need something to look forward to. It crept on me because I never made any huge purchases, rather, I made tons of small-medium sized purchases.
Working a job that paid decent but I absolutely HATED sent me spiraling into a state of depression because I couldn't seem to land another job,
and I felt stuck. The job was so bad that I found myself having panic attacks before, during and AFTER work when I got home because I knew I had to go right back the next morning. My only peace at the time was the excitement of "treating myself" to something, whether it be food, clothes, online shopping etc. It gave me something to look forward to. ESPECIALLY online shopping which made me feel like it was Christmas because I knew that after a bad day at work, I had a box waiting at home to be opened. LOL - I was my own Santa. I got really into food delivery apps too, to help me get through the day at work. If you're going to be having a breakdown at your desk, you might as well be eating some delicious food at the same time, and you don't even have to clock out and lose minutes, because they bring the food straight to your front desk!
This ultimately landed me in thousands of dollars of credit card debt, which, of course, landed me in paying off high amounts of interest - this is when it started getting bad.
And it was at this moment I knew...I MESSED UP.
Fast forward to present: I finally built up enough courage to leave my horrible job. I replaced it with two "mediocre" jobs, both consisting of "mediocre" pay. I don't regret quitting!
Now, I have paid off large amounts of debt before a few years ago (due to student loans, car stuff, fines etc.) So I know I am capable of paying things off if I put my mind to it.
BUT THIS IS A HELL OF A PUNISHMENT.
100% of this is my fault and with life being life, so many unexpected financial obligations have come up now including health stuff, car stuff,
and the list goes on and on. Had I planned my finances accordingly leaving room for emergency funds, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this right now.
My hope and purpose for writing this post is that through my extensive complaining someone out there will understand just how much it sucks to be stuck in a situation like this. I know my life could be worse, and I am lucky that I do have even one job, much less two.
But to be forced to work two jobs because your life depends on it is NOT fun.
My introverted self is not thriving in this current life set-up. I am depressed because I don't have the time to do much besides work.
And when I DO have time, I don't want to do anything because I am too tired. I have no options. No money, no options. I can no longer "treat myself" to minimize my problems. I won't be taking any vacations. I don't have much time off. I work holidays. I want nothing more but to come home after work and RELAX and not be around people. (Not including family/relationships - I'm not THAT much of a loner!)
If you are reading this and you feel like you might be prone to overspending or that you might be unwise with your money, I hope you consider getting help before or making some changes before you end up stuck with no options, unhappy, tired, depressed and complaining on a blog like me.
As someone who strongly identifies as an introvert, working two jobs is going to be the death of me...the "slow death" apparently.
They say that introverts tend to feel drained after socializing and regain their energy by spending time alone...
But from morning - late afternoon I am at the office, and then afternoon to evening I am working retail. Both are part time, of course. But it makes for
a long, long day and week, especially for someone who doesn't particularly like dealing with people. Struggling with insomnia, I am left with one day only - Sunday - to sleep in, do the wash, and prepare to jump right
back into another long, dreaded week.
Yes, this post is 100% a pity party.
Dealing with customers and people all day long is not the way I thought I'd be spending 88% of my time in my mid twenties.
I envisioned myself working one steady, decent paying job that allowed for a vacation maybe once, twice a year and plenty of patio-dinner evenings and
events on weekends. I am not married and have no kids, so I feel like that is a reasonable expectation.But I haven't been able to find one good job to replace the two mediocre ones. All I know is that the job I worked at prior to this "situation" paid me more in one single paycheck then me busting my ass right now with two paychecks. Which makes it hard to justify working more hours with less pay. But hey - what can you do when you're stuck?!
On the occasion that I do have an evening off, I am too tired to do the things that I WANT to do with people I WANT to be with because I need to be alone and rest to regain my energy.
Why am I busting my ass? CREDIT CARD DEBT.
As much as I didn't expect to be in this exact predicament in my mid twenties, I also didn't expect that I would've gone through something so difficult
in my early twenties, that it would cause me to resort to a spending addiction. Sometimes you never know what damage you're capable of doing.
Let's just say that life smacked me in the face hard, and I looked around to see what crutch I could use to get me through my days.
I justified buying anything I wanted because I was unhappy and need something to look forward to. It crept on me because I never made any huge purchases, rather, I made tons of small-medium sized purchases.
Working a job that paid decent but I absolutely HATED sent me spiraling into a state of depression because I couldn't seem to land another job,
and I felt stuck. The job was so bad that I found myself having panic attacks before, during and AFTER work when I got home because I knew I had to go right back the next morning. My only peace at the time was the excitement of "treating myself" to something, whether it be food, clothes, online shopping etc. It gave me something to look forward to. ESPECIALLY online shopping which made me feel like it was Christmas because I knew that after a bad day at work, I had a box waiting at home to be opened. LOL - I was my own Santa. I got really into food delivery apps too, to help me get through the day at work. If you're going to be having a breakdown at your desk, you might as well be eating some delicious food at the same time, and you don't even have to clock out and lose minutes, because they bring the food straight to your front desk!
This ultimately landed me in thousands of dollars of credit card debt, which, of course, landed me in paying off high amounts of interest - this is when it started getting bad.
And it was at this moment I knew...I MESSED UP.
Fast forward to present: I finally built up enough courage to leave my horrible job. I replaced it with two "mediocre" jobs, both consisting of "mediocre" pay. I don't regret quitting!
Now, I have paid off large amounts of debt before a few years ago (due to student loans, car stuff, fines etc.) So I know I am capable of paying things off if I put my mind to it.
BUT THIS IS A HELL OF A PUNISHMENT.
100% of this is my fault and with life being life, so many unexpected financial obligations have come up now including health stuff, car stuff,
and the list goes on and on. Had I planned my finances accordingly leaving room for emergency funds, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this right now.
My hope and purpose for writing this post is that through my extensive complaining someone out there will understand just how much it sucks to be stuck in a situation like this. I know my life could be worse, and I am lucky that I do have even one job, much less two.
But to be forced to work two jobs because your life depends on it is NOT fun.
My introverted self is not thriving in this current life set-up. I am depressed because I don't have the time to do much besides work.
And when I DO have time, I don't want to do anything because I am too tired. I have no options. No money, no options. I can no longer "treat myself" to minimize my problems. I won't be taking any vacations. I don't have much time off. I work holidays. I want nothing more but to come home after work and RELAX and not be around people. (Not including family/relationships - I'm not THAT much of a loner!)
If you are reading this and you feel like you might be prone to overspending or that you might be unwise with your money, I hope you consider getting help before or making some changes before you end up stuck with no options, unhappy, tired, depressed and complaining on a blog like me.
26-30, F
