Black Clouds ⛈☁⛈

I guess I'm mourning thoughts,hopes and wishes...
The words above are what came to mind when I thought about where I am ,now, from how I envisioned life would be as I held my new born son all those years ago and thought about the future

Don't get me wrong I had no desire to live my life through my children.

I only thought their would be respect, mutual empathy, and loyalty as he grew to adulthood.

That when the teens years were long past it would result in maturity and growth.

Not the shift blaming,motive assigning, and conistant paranoia that must have its scapegoat nightmare it's become.

I didn't forsee such hatred, disdain, and being dismissed as dirt under his feet.

Mental illness disorts a lot and leaves you baffled.

I must mourn,I must weep the death of all those hopes and thoughts of a pleasant continuation of extended family life.

I'm a private person.
So writing this isn't easy.
A person who tries to mend all the fences,do damage control, one who grits her teeth when slighted, continues to hope the truth will eventually penetrate through this cloud of misunderstanding.

But, its time to stop,to step back, the fences are all down, and it's raining,clouds black.