How Do I Stop Feeling Like Trash Around My Extended Family ?

I don't have a great history with them but I'm still forced to go to events with them. Truth is, I don't care so much about my aunts and uncles but being around my cousin just makes me feel like trash.

He is 3 years younger than me and he can do everything I could when I was his age but better. He makes my strengths look mediocre and just highlights my weaknesses. He has rich parents and he's sociable, has excellent grades, multi-talented and everytime I'm around him it just makes me want to just cry and hide. He is also on his schools swim team and he is really fit, he's tan and now he is the same height as me. I'm not exactly the skinniest person so when I stand next to him I look like a fatty. I just feel so useless because he is so amazing yet I can't even make my parents proud. I've tried for years to become better but everytime he just becomes even better-er. In a few months he will become taller than me and honestly speaking, I don't think I can take feeling like trash anymore. Everyday I already look at myself in the mirror and want to stab myself but being around him makes me really want to just ________ "

I know everyone is special in their own way but how can I be special if all I'm good for is just to sit there and pretend to feel happy for other people's achievements while I just lie down and let everyone around me down.

I wish my parents had a different child, someone more athletic, more sociable, more masculine, more attractive, and had a better sense of humour. I'm just to mediocre compared to everyone else in the family and I just so wish that tomorrow I don't have to wake up anymore.

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Mpzhr · F

@sugardoughnut.. Never ever compare yourself to anybody. We are always going to be surrounded by people. Be happy with what you are, love yourself first. As for your parents, you want to reach their expectations of you? They should accept you as you are. It's an un endless battle. Look into your inner self, focus on you to better yourself, but for you, not for anyone else. Nobody is better because they have better marks, or better skills;that doesn't mean we would like to be good at something. See what you would like to do and then focus on that. But don't try to impress anybody, only impress yourself, you are your only challenge. Care for yourself and, over yourself. Your real truth is in the inside not in the outside.. Good luck..!

SW-User

you need to work on your self esteem URGENTLY, measuring yourself against another person is never ever going to make you happy. If you're happy with you, you'll be happy with you no matter what another person is like.
Rather than wishing for something that isn't going to happen (like your parents having a different child)
and rather than continually telling yourself how bad etc. that you are, you should honestly work on your insecurity, try to tell yourself positive things about yourself only, stop being a debbie downer, if you keep this up you're going to ruin your life and you'll never be happy or successful..

CuTiePi · F

Tell your parents how you feel and why you don't want to go to family events for a while let them know how your cousin makes you feel. You are insecure I bet your parents wouldn't swap you for your cousin. Things change in life but you have to make changes for youself. Don't compare yourself to anyone I'd be depressed if I compared myself to Jennifer Lopez every day before I went out. Try to be happy in yourself and work on changing things if you don't like them. Don't model yourself on your cousin. Be the best you can be. Someone else could make your cousin look mediocre if he compared himself to them.

Flenflyys · 31-35, F

You've got major insecurity issues. It doesn't sound like your cousin has even done anything to you. You need to find happiness in yourself.

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