Working on my jealousy and mindset
I was raised like there isn't enough for me if I don't hustle.
I am a middle child and I feel that being a second girl in a patriarchal society affected the child me a lot.
A lot of teasing that I was picked from garbage, and both my siblings have fair skin so I am inferior or lacking in some aspect.
And my father adored my elder sister because she was the first child and my mother adored my brother because he is a boy somehow led me to believe there is no place for me unless I create it.
I was a child who really excelled in everything - sports academics discipline dance arts .. I don't know why, perhaps natural interest or simply because I finally got the attention I deserve.
My parents invested a lot better in my schooling after my class 3rd because I was excelling in it .
Now I am 25. A lot has passed. Depression, anxiety, healing, an excellent engineering institute, a failing job prospects.
I have seen my high and my very low in all aspects of my life.
And I have realised I have the freedom to rebuild me again regardless of my past.
So I want to change my scarcity mindset. That other people success and talent is not an indication of my failure. I am enough.
Because I don't think I can go any further with jealousy and self humiliation
I am a middle child and I feel that being a second girl in a patriarchal society affected the child me a lot.
A lot of teasing that I was picked from garbage, and both my siblings have fair skin so I am inferior or lacking in some aspect.
And my father adored my elder sister because she was the first child and my mother adored my brother because he is a boy somehow led me to believe there is no place for me unless I create it.
I was a child who really excelled in everything - sports academics discipline dance arts .. I don't know why, perhaps natural interest or simply because I finally got the attention I deserve.
My parents invested a lot better in my schooling after my class 3rd because I was excelling in it .
Now I am 25. A lot has passed. Depression, anxiety, healing, an excellent engineering institute, a failing job prospects.
I have seen my high and my very low in all aspects of my life.
And I have realised I have the freedom to rebuild me again regardless of my past.
So I want to change my scarcity mindset. That other people success and talent is not an indication of my failure. I am enough.
Because I don't think I can go any further with jealousy and self humiliation
