I know Naya won't remember it but I'll always treasure those early years when we were a family

Even if things didn't work out the way we wanted. Even though her mom eventually decided we were too different & she didn't wanna try anymore.. I'll always cherish the fact that I got to spend Naya's first few years learning & growing as a team as opposed to being alone. Of course I would've loved my daughter the same no matter what but having someone there to play family with made life feel almost normal for a while. Even though we struggled sometimes & made it by on the minimum.

With me being a first time parent & her being a parent already, I feel like her knowledge & experience definitely made things easier on me too. Because any time I worried about anything she was there to support or show me the way.

I guess that struggle & that experience is helping shape me in a lot of ways & I'm grateful for that. I'm not spiteful towards Naya's mom. I miss being a family. It's all I ever wanted. But it's been nice not to be stressed all the time about how somebody else feels or thinks of me. Or constantly feel like I'm a problem when all I'm doing is existing & being honest about feelings like a healthy person is supposed to do.

It's complicated because I feel so much less stressed... I feel happier with myself as a person... I feel confident in how life will turn out & my capabilities as a father.. but at the same time when I think about how life will never be the same again it makes me sad that that chapter is closed. I don't want it back anymore, I'm ready for what's next. But I can't help but feel nostalgic over the memories already. Even though times were hard & we struggled a lot.. I'm grateful we had each other for the time we did