I think growing up without my mom makes me appreciate my kid's mom so much more

It makes me appreciate a lot of mother's so much more. Any time I hear a mom saying how they wish they were better mom's or they don't feel good enough, I KNOW they're a great mom just from hearing that alone. Because a bad mom wouldn't be concerned about that kind of thing. That just shows that they want to be a better version of themselves for their kid which is how we all should feel.

Idk what I would do without Naya's mom. We never argue about who's doing what for Naya because we both equally do everything we can for her. There's days I do more for her & there's days when SHE does more for her but we never keep count or hold anything against each other like "well I did it last time so now it's your turn", we just do what we gotta do for our kid. I think we both understand that we can rely on each other as parents to take care of our kid.

My mom just left & moved to Alaska for years to party & keep doing drugs. All while her first kid remained in my hometown being raised by a family she's not biologically related to, & her next 3 kids were being raised by our dad who had to start figuring it out on his own. I was 5, my brother was 4, & our sister was 2. We didn't get to know her again until I was teenager & she got clean. That lasted for 10 years until she relapsed & has struggled again ever since. I love my mom but she wasn't very present nor good at being stable. Now she has all these health problems & she's dying & I wanna be there for her but I'm struggling with it for some reason. I'm not mad at her for not being there. I'm not mad at her for struggles. I've grown to understand & I don't hold anything against her. It's just still hard for some reason. I wanna have her in my life again before she dies & I want Naya to know her too. But she barely has the energy to answer the phone anymore or reply to any texts so it's hard to set anything up. I still don't even know her address. I'm ranting again but idk... I'm just saying any mother who is there & is trying, is an amazing mother to me. I wish I had that as a kid. My standards weren't set very high to begin with but I know I'm not wrong.

DeWayfarer · 61-69, M

There are so many different types of people, that it's hard to say who is a good parent or a bad parent.

Having come from a bit of a abusive background, I have come to an understanding of what perspectives really mean.

You can love the person, yet not the behavior, in all situations.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@DeWayfarer very true. My dad was abusive when I was a child too so I got a taste of both sides unfortunately. One parent who was absent & another that I feared. I still always loved both but there were a lot of struggles & coming to an understanding that learning to be okay doesn't have to mean accepting everything as okay. Sometimes it means acknowledging what's not okay but then moving past it

DeWayfarer · 61-69, M

@ChiefJustWalks My mother was an alcoholic who divorced a very aggressive, though not a hurtful man. He destroyed everything around him.

I cared for both of them until they passed away, for many years.

Perspectives are a powerful thing; understanding them helps in dealing with them.

Please remember both my parents went through World War II in Europe. That is a perspective all by itself. And I as well heard both life stories.

That experience drove my mother to drink and my father to uncontrolled anger. Neither situation was a good one in which to grow up.

Yet there were reasons for both. Neither understood the whys’.

I can honestly say that I loved both, but I never loved either’s behavior.